IF AGONY AUNTS WERE MEN

IF AGONY AUNTS WERE MEN...

Dear Frank:
Q: My fiancé still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.

A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Dear Frank:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the lads.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Dear Frank:
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Dear Frank:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.

A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

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