LOVE AT 1st SIGHT
what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet

DATING
the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL
avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY
a term used by men to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT
a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND
a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INCOMPATIBILITY
Two people who can't stomach each other.

INDIFFERENCE
a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as "playing hard to get"

INTERESTING
a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT
what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY
how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC
a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

PYJAMAS
Items of clothing that men and women place beside the bed in case of fire.

PERFECT WIFE
Woman who is deaf and dumb, over-sexed, and owner of an off-licence or distillery.

PROSTITUTE
A busy body.

ROMANCE
temporary loss of critical faculties.

SOBER
condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

VIRGIN 
A girl who makes an issue out of a tissue