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NEIL’S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 1
Nobody ever puts out a sign that says "Nice Dog"
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 2
If you see someone approaching with the obvious intent of doing you good, run for your life.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 3
There's no such thing as a "simple little job around the house."
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 4
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 5
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 6
When somebody you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 7
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 8
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 9
Give me a home where the buffalo roam, and you've got a room full of buffalo shit.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 10
No good deed will go unpunished.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 11
Never step in anything soft.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 12
Shit really does happen.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 13
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 14
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 15
Those who think that they know everything are a constant irritation to those of us who do.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 16
There are three kinds of people
Those who Make things happen
Those who Watch things happen
And those who Wonder what happened!
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 17
There are really two kinds of people; those who divide the world into kinds of people, and those who don't.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 18
"Phonetic" is not spelled the way it sounds.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 19
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 20
Everything takes longer than you think
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 21
If several things can go wrong, then that which costs the most will go wrong.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 22
Left to themselves, things will go from bad to worse
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 23
If everything seems to be going well, then something has been overlooked.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 24
Nothing can be made foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 25
A computer can make as many mistakes in two seconds as twenty men working twenty years can make.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 26
Life is a series of circumstances beyond your control.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 27
For every complex problem, there's a simple solution, - and it's wrong!
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 28
The smallest interval of time is that between a traffic light turning green, and the car behind you blowing its horn.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 29
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 30
The other line always moves faster.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 31;
There are three kinds of people, those who can count, and those who can't
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 32;
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 33
Odds are, the phrase "It's none of my business" will be followed
by "but"...
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 34
All you need to grow healthy, vigorous
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 3
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 36
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 3
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 39
Seen on a poster for staff working in a Hospital
Maternity unit: "Remember, the first 5 minutes of life are the most
dangerous." Comment added below: "The last few minutes are
pretty dodgy too!"
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
40
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 41
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is
optional.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 42
There are four stages of life;
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You just look like Santa Claus.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 43
Trouble - The supply always exceeds the demand
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 44
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 45
The good thing about growing old is you only have to
do it once
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 46
Needs are a function of what other people have
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
47
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
48
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the
sudden stop at the end
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
49
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does
everyone else decide to play chess?
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
50
Politicians and nappies have one thing in
common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
51
It's a little known fact that the Dark Ages were
caused by unresolved Y1K issues.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
52
A relationships is like sand in your hand. If held
loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your
hand tightly it slips through your fingers.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
55
Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 5
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
58
You're unique just like everyone else.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 5
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
60
The paper clip is the larval stage of coat hangers.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
61
Whenever I'm lost in thought, it is never unfamiliar territory.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
62
Three things in life are certain: Death, Taxes and Loss of computer data.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 6
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 64
If you lend someone €20, and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 65
Laziness is frequently just resting before you get tired.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 6
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 67
Intuition nearly makes up for lack of good judgment
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 68
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 6
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NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
71
Education is what you get from reading the small
print; experience is what you get from not reading it.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
72
The cigarette does the smoking, you're just the
sucker.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
73
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 74
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 75
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 76
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 77
Time is what keeps everything from happening at
once.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 78
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 79
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up? Definitely optional
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 80
The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you
have all kinds of things that you should be doing.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
81
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
happy.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
82
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
83
Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are
eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just crazy.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
84
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
85
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
86
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you
stopped laughing.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
87
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
88
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
89
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
90
Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgement.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
91
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
92
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends
listen to what you don't say.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
93
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion
and it's easy to exchange.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
93
They who laughs the last, think the slowest.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
93
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the
back of the church.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
94
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the
back of the church.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
95
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than standing in the
garage makes you a car.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
96
Middle age is when your narrow waist and broad mind exchange places!
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
97
Committee: The unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the
unnecessary.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
98
The early bird gets the
worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
99
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No. 100
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad
memory.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
101
Light travelling faster than sound is why some people seem bright until you hear
them speak.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
102
The nice thing about egotists is that they do not
talk about other people.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
103
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing
it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
NEIL'S OBSERVATION ON LIFE No.
104
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
What I've Learned As I've Matured
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are managers or celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there should be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in a house, some kid did it!
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned to say "F%@& em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
I've learned that I'll never be satisfied until I'm too smart for my own good.
I've learned that the older I get the better I realise I was!
I've learned that a majority sometimes only means that all the fools are on the same side.
N. O'Byrne if you would like to comment or add
something, Please no