Dear Computer expert
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new
program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely
limiting access to wardrobe, flowers, and jewellery applications that operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in
the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 installs new, undesirable
programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFooball 5.0 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no
circumstances will it run HouseCleaning 2.6.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!
Yours,
Fluffy
Hi
Fluffy
This is a very common problem but is mostly due to a misconception. Boyfriend
5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package but Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and was designed to run as few applications as possible. Furthermore, you
can't scrap Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because hidden operating
files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
nothing is gained. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as
Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal
part of Husband 1.0 Also don't forget to read the entire section regarding
General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0,
secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
regardless of root cause. To activate this feature simply enter the command
"C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run
simultaneously. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologise 8.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 4.1
Finally here's a techie tip: overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or, worse, BeerWithTheLads 6.0. This is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" WAV sound files. And a final word of caution: do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0, or re-install Boyfriend 5.0 or the upgrade to Boyfriend 6.0. These are not a supported applications, and will cause selective shut down or a complete crash of the operating system.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3
The occasional adventures of TiM (TM), the Dim SysAdmin...
Episode #1: "TiM (TM) comes home to Girlfriend 3.1"
TiM (TM): " Good evening Girlfriend 3.1. Am now logged on."
Girlfriend 3.1: "Hi TiM! Have you brought the
ring?"
TiM: "Bad command or file name."
Girlfriend: "But I told you this morn..."
TiM: "...erroneous syntax, abort?"
Girlfriend: "Didn't you get some cash out of
the bank like I asked you?"
TiM: "File in use."
Girlfriend: "But what about my new dress?"
TiM: "Variable not found."
Girlfriend: "At least give me your credit card
then, I need to do some shopping."
TiM: "Sharing violation, access denied."
Girlfriend: "Do you love me or are you only
interested bloody computers or wha'?"
TiM: "Too many parameters."
Girlfriend: "It was a great mistake that I
even agreed to getting engaged to a complete and utter eejit like you."
TiM: "Data type mismatch."
Girlfriend: "You are a useless, lazy, good fer
nothing sod."
TiM: "It is by default. 404: File Not Found."
Girlfriend: " And who was it I saw you with in
the car this morning?"
TiM: "System unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot..."
Mark my words - this'll all end in blue screens of death
More to follow sometime!
Last updated March, 2004