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Monica wouldn't have soiled her dress, if she just would have kept her mouth shut!!

What "help wanted" ad did Monica Lewinsky answer? Be a white house intern and get a taste of the Presidency!

There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out. It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.

Why does Monica Lewinsky have puffy cheeks? She's withholding evidence.

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton desperately wants? A dead girlfriend.

Why does Hillary get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning? To be the first lady

THE SPEECH THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN.
"Members of Congress, people of America, I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying attention.The only babes in D.C. I haven't tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they're a little older than I like, and they have legs that former Houston Oiler Earl Cambell would envy. Which isn't to say I don't appreciate Hillary, I do. If not for the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be pumping gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd still be married to the President.So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the draft, hid FBI files, smoked dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in the White House, fired the travel staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom like an upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered the Oval Office. Got it? Good. Six years ago, there's not a man, woman, or child who didn't know I was as horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me anyway, which turned out to be a good move on your part. Your other choice was Bush, an aging baseball player and part-time resident of some place called "Kennebunkport" who thought he could bomb his way into the White House. Before him, it was Reagan, who left the office with the same Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter before him who brought you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole time like his lithium drip had just kicked in. Nixon before that coined, but never really understood, the concept of 'plausible deniability, and almost got a one-way ticket to San Clemente for his crackerjack style of governing. Johnson was an inbred, power-mad war criminal whose major contribution to American society was Agent Orange. And John Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't hang around long enough for America to spot that curious atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling" shared by at least a dozen former residents of the White House. Which brings me back to my point. Since I have been strumming the banjo here at the White House, government is doing more for less. The budget is balanced for the first time since JFK did a one gun salute to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't seem to care about, evidently. Unemployment is so low today a blind felon can get a job as a night-watchman. And the stock market is higher than a D-student on a full gram of angel-dust, and anyone with a degree from a junior college who can spell 'internet' has enough money to ponder the annual maintenance cost of his boat, instead of where his or her next meal is coming from. Bottom line: I'm running a country here and I'm doing it with my pecker showing. What I'm asking for is your support, not a date with your daughter unless, of course, she's a hotty with thin ankles, and then I'd like to discuss it. In the meantime, think about where you are today and what kind of life you're living before you get too interested in where I'm parking the Presidential limousine."

White House Nights:

Sing the song below to the tune of "Summer Nights'" from the musical "Grease".

Bill: "Summer intern... had me a blast"
Monica: "White house intern... happened so fast"
Bill: "Met a girl... crazy for me"
Monica: "Met the prez... down on my knees"
Bill: "Summer days, bobbin' away, oh, ah.... but those White House nights"

Investigation Committee: "Oh Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. HUH Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "Please remember your best"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star: "Did he spooge on your dress?"
Investigation Committee:Uh Huh (oo hoo) Uh Huh (oo hoo) Uh Huh (oo hoo hoo hoo hoo) Uh Huh (oo hoo) Uh Huh (oo hoo) Uh Huh (oo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

Bill: "Wanted to do her... she had a cramp"
Monica: "Sexy Prez made.... my panties damp"
Bill: "She hummed on me, right in the White House"
Monica: "I said OK, just don't **** in my mouth"
Bill and Monica: "Summer fling, don't mean a thing, oh ah, but those White House Nights"

Investigation Committee: "Oh Well, ah.. well, ah....well, ah. HUH Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "He sounds like such a swell guy"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star: "Did he tell you to lie?"
Investigating Committee (wives) "Down, doo-bee-down, doo-bee-down, doo-bee-doo-bee doo-bee down, doo-bee-down, doo-bee-down, doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-down"

Bill: "Press found out... turned into a mess"
Monica: "Gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress"
Bill: "She promised to lie...she made a vow"

[slowly now...]

Monica: "Wonder who's....servicing him now"
Bill & Monica: "Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams
But.........ohhhh......Those White House..........Nigh......Hights.!!!!!!................." Press:"Tell us more.....tell us more......TELL US MORE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
He couldn't giver her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.

What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.

What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President. "It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President. So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come.

What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
"Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
He wants to be on top.

How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?

He married her.

Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has urinated the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on a wall outside the White House. Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and find the culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." "And the bad news?" Clinton demands. After a slight pause, the director replies, "Sir, the handwriting belongs to your wife!"

How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
It Takes A Village!

President French-Fry was out jogging when a Hooker standing on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President... Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five Bucks!"

How does Bill Clinton teach a woman to golf?
He starts with the irons and ends up in the woods.

When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.

"One thing's for sure about Clinton... He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A dead girlfriend.

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? To promote off-shore drilling.

What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
Swallow the leader

Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
what Kaczynski must surely have known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice of how to be blown.

When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.

Why does Bill drink so much coffee?
He is required to "stay up" for many hours to satisfy the needs of his staff.

How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
"It wasn't words that I put in her mouth."

What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
They both heard a giant sucking sound!

What's the headline on the Washington Post read?
Bush finally defeats Clinton.

President Clinton said to Monica, "I didn't tell you to lie in the deposition . . .
I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"

What does BITCH stand for? Bill's In Trouble, Call Hillary!!!

Bill Clinton’s personal secretary came into the oval office and asked the President what he what he wanted to do about the abortion bill and Bill answered, “Just pay it!!!!!!”

What does Hilary Clinton do every morning after she shaves her pussy? Puts a tie on him and sends him off to work.

Did you hear Hilary Clinton is changing her name? She is now known as “Sharon Peter”!

Hillary Clinton's name will accompany a book featuring all the letters people have written to Buddy the dog and Socks the cat. "This shows you the Clintons are maybe a bit odd. They've lost all of Hillary's billing records, they can't find any Whitewater documents, they have no idea where the phone records between the president and Monica Lewinsky are. Yet they have every single letter written to their pets. My cat gets mail, I throw it out after two days."

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and slowly starts to sink. Everybody starts screaming, panicking etc.Reagan shouts, "Women and children first." Nixon says, "Screw the women!" Clinton replies, "Do you think we have time?"

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and yells something, and suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw the first PITCH!'"

.One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" "Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!"

While Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea were vacationing in Wyoming, the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington. After several hours of looking, she came across an exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously been owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of ill-repute. The house keeper said that no one would ever know and took the bird back to the White House. The morning after, the Clintons returned to the White House. Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with "Too old." That afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, "Hi Bill!!"

Why does Hilary always climb on top? Because Bill usually fucks up !

Bill is walking a dog on a leash one day. The Secret Service Agent sees him and says, "Hey, Mr. President- You got a dog!" Clinton says, "Yeah, I got it for Hillary". The Agent thinks for a second and responds, "Good trade, Sir!"

What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton

Bill Clinton is walking along the beach and finds a lamp. Rubs it and a genie pops out. Genie says, "I'm so grateful, I'll grant you three wishes" Bill says, "Genie, I want racial harmony in the World." Genie says, "OK, done." Bill says, "Genie, I want peace in the Middle East." Genie says, "Middle East -- I've been in the lamp a long time...I'm not aware of such a place -- show me." Bill pulls out a map and draws a circle around Middle East area. Genie says, "Are you out of your mind! This has always been a land of war, ...its too much...I cannot do it...Give me another wish." Bill thinks hard, "OK, I want America to love Hillary." Genie pauses, then says, "Show me the map again."

Know what they found in the pocket of Monica Lewinski's dress??? A wad of Bills.

Clinton is walking down a hall in the White House, encounters a new intern, and asks, "Are you new here?" "Yes," she answers. "I thought so," he says. "I haven't come across your face before".

"Public media should not contain explicit or implied descriptions of sex acts. Our society should be purged of the perverts who provide the media with pornographic material while pretending it has some redeeming social value under the public's 'right to know'." Kenneth Starr, 1987, "Sixty Minutes" interview with Dianne Sawyer.

Interesting things about Monica Lewinsky:
- Nobody would know about her if it weren't for Bill
- She sucks
- She blows
- She's bloated
- She's the focus of a huge legal battle
- She'll go down in a heartbeat
Who does she think she is, Mr Windows

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice. Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he realised to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard her president whisper in a barely audible voice, "sack my cook".
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA announced today that the President of the United States has PROVEN that you CAN get sex from AIDES!!!

Things Clinton Will Do After Impeachment

Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her thirteen half-brothers and sisters.

A tour of the nation´s prisons to improve conditions, visit friends.

Buy a Hooters franchise.

Buy a Burger King franchise.

Attend UFO conventions, show off preserved bodies of aliens he smuggled out of the Pentagon.

Come to grips with the fact that regular people just can´t go around dropping their pants.

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron". He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's, "Ribbit Lucky frog". The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood". The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one! The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas". They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6". Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful". The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me". He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room so help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton".

TRANSCRIPT OF TESTIMONY OF WILLIAM J. CLINTON IN THE PRESENCE OF JUDGE KENNETH STARR

I want to start off by saying that I don't think of this as being a trial by ordeal, but instead I look forward to it as a long awaited opportunity to set the record straight once and for all. I would like to keep this on an informal level so I can speak my mind freely, openly and honestly. Also Judge Starr, I would appreciate it if you would call me Bubba and if I may, I would like to call you Kinny. Look Kinny. You and me are just a couple of good ol' boys talkin'turkey. We know where we're comin' from. I read the papers. You read the papers. Let's both of us get past all that. You know what I mean? It's time to chaw. About this Monica thing. Tell me the truth. Don't you ever wish you could have somethin' like that? I mean a hefty Jewess Goddess with a bigcaboose. The kind you can really sink your teeth into, if you know what I mean.The first time she stepped into that Oval Office, I tell ya, it was love at first sight. And when she turned around and bent over to pick up those papers, I thought I died and went to heaven. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I tell ya Kinny. I popped a boner so big I thought I'd fall on my face from the weight. Hillary told me that being President can be fun but I had no idea just how much. This little girl, Monica, sure is God's gift to this great Earth. And I would never do anything to dishonor her. I let her make all the first moves. And when she started to shake those big casaba melons in my face, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DOGGY. I nearly went and busted my load. She talked to me like "Do it for me Billy. Do it for me," Then her dress came off and she got down on her knees and started rubbin' up an' down on my loins. What can you expect a grown man to do? How could I be inhospitable at a time like this. I wasn't brought up that way by my mammy in Arkansas. We were raised to be gentlemen and we got taught how to treat a lady with respect. I tell ya Kinny, she had a mouth that just wouldn't quit, even if I wanted her too. I didn't have a chance. That's when I had to think fast. I pulled away just in time. Lucky her dress was layin' on the floor protectin' the Presidential Seal on the carpet. That would've been a disgrace to the office and I thank Almighty God to this day that that dress was there. So there it is, Kinny. I don't think that one man, anyway a man who calls himself a man, on God's green earth, would not understand what went on there. And I repeat. I have never had a sexual relationship with that woman.
Thank you.
Can I leave now? What's so funny?
THE WIZ IN D.C.

The Wizard of Oz visits Washington DC. He sees Al Gore and asks if there is anything he wants. "Well, sure!" says Al. "I'd like to have a brain." "Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the veep a brain. Next he sees Al D'Amato, the Senator from New York, and asks if there is anything he wants. D'Amato thinks for a second and says he would like to have a heart. "Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the Senator a heart. Finally the Wizard sees Bill Clinton and asks if there is anything the President wants. Bill pauses, looks around for a minute and quietly asks, "Where's Dorothy?"

What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately? Scent o' Monica.

PET NAMES FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL MEMBER

All the President's Ten
Buddy II
The Chief's Staff
Commander in Brief
Dogbone (A commentary on where it's been)
The Erectoral College
The Executive Head
First Phallus
Hillary (So Bill can say, "I've only had sex with Hillary")
IRS (Intern Ramming System)
Lincoln Room Womb Broom
Little Rock
McTool (Over 3 Billion Served)
Microsoft ("Where do you want to go today?")
Peter of the Free World
Pocket Veto
Politically Erect
Power Pole
Presidential Probe
Pubic Servant
Scandal Handle
Top Banana
The Ugly Stick
West Wing Nut
White House Woody

Hillary's personal names for it: AWOL, Missing In Action

How did the feds finally trap Bill and Monica? They Tripped them up, of course.

KEY PERKS FOR A WHITE HOUSE INTERN
* A deep appreciation for domestic affairs
* Lousy pay, but generous hush money
* Fabulous "on-the-job" training
* First-hand knowledge of President's commitment to youth
* More exciting than those boring Americorps sessions
* New meaning for the Gen-X slogan, "Rock the Vote"
* Complete knowledge of Pentagon's "Manual of Arms"
* Generous help with independent study

RANDOM CLINTON THOUGHTS

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what's wrong with Bill Clinton doing the same?

This is the second time in history a "Deep Throat" has been at the center of a presidential controversy.

Do you suppose Monica Lewinsky was the head intern?

They say the President's favorite movie is "Free Willy."

Definition of an Arkansas virgin: A girl who can outrun the Big Creep.

What Ted Kennedy has that Bill Clinton wishes HE did: A dead girlfriend.

What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic? Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play? Swallow the leader.

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is ticked. He storms into the Secret Service compound and yells, "There's a death threat on the damned front lawn! And it's written in urine! Sonofabitch had to be standing on the porch when he did it. Where the hell were you guys? I want to know who did it, and I want to know NOW." The Secret Service agents scurry for the door. That evening, the chief agent approaches Clinton and says, "Mr. President, we have some bad news and some really bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says, "Give me the bad news first." The agent says, "Sir, we tested a sample of the urine. The results just came back. The urine belongs to Al Gore." "Oh my god," Clinton says. "I feel so ... betrayed! My own vice president! What's the *really* bad news?" "Sir, the handwriting belongs to Hillary."

U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno has closed the case of President Clinton's alleged affairs with young White House aides. Sources say Reno closely examined the President and found no hard evidence.

Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? To meet the chick.

Two thousand women were asked this question in a recent poll: "Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?" Thirty-four percent responded: "Never again."

OBSERVATION: It's interesting how the press has started to go after Monica Lewinsky, practically overnight. I mean, all she's probably guilty of is "talking" to the presidential Staff...

MEMBER NAME: Monica Lewinsky
LOCATION: Your Pants, USA
BIRTHDATE: EVERY day can be YOUR birthday
SEX: Female
MARITAL STATUS: Home-, nation-, pecker-wrecker
HOBBIES: Perjury, not washing "evidence"-stained dresses, sashaying through the West Wing after hours, perjury, having bad hair, perjury, being clueless about people tape-recording my calls, perjury, all-around skank
COMPUTERS: Compaq PresariBLOW
OCCUPATION: Serial Oralogist
PERSONAL QUOTE: Ask not what your country can do for you ... ask how you can blow your President and get a Pentagon job out of it.

SUGGESTED NAMES FOR THE LATEST SCANDAL

Tailgate
Lolitagate
The D-Cup Domes Scandal
Starr Wars
The Lay of Pigs
Stain of the Union Undress
Monicaca
"Paid for by Gore/Rodham 2000"-gate
Pubic Missile Crisis
Linguapalooza
Honey, I shrunk my approval rating
Gaining-On-Wilt-gate
Tail to the Chief
Bad Will Hunting

What instrument, besides the saxophone, does Bill Clinton play? The whore-monica.

President Clinton didn't say, "Lie for me." What he said was, "Lie DOWNfor me."

People are starting to say that Al Gore is only an orgasm away from the presidency.

From the movie "The Sound of Music" My Favorite Things

The Bill Clinton version:

Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes willie spring,
These are a few of my favorite things

Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns who while'way the hours,
Profits from futures that Hillary brings,
These are a few of my favorite things

When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad

Beating the draft board and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected,
Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,
These are a few of my favorite things

Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,
Falling down drunk that required knee surgery
Stars in the White House who come here to sing,
These are a few of my favorite things

When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad

Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,
States of the Union with lots of baloney,
Winning debates and the joy of my flings,
These are a few of my favorite things

When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom." To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom." Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."