Oh, I'm a lettuce and I'm okay,
I'm green all night and I'm green all day.
I grow in fields, I go crunch-crunch,
I photosynthesise;
As I do not have a penis,
I cannot sodomise


Oh, I'm a lettuce and I'm okay,
I'm green all night and I'm green all day.
I grow in fields, I'm many-leaved,
Go well with mayonnaise
I'm soft and round, but don't be fooled,
For I can last for days


Oh, I'm a lettuce and I'm okay,
I'm green all night and I'm green all day.
I grow in fields, I suck the soil,
And when I'm ripe I'm plucked.
Sitting on a plate, I have one wish;
That someday I'll be... eaten.

---