"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My momma taught me RELIGION :
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My momma taught me about TIME TRAVEL :
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My momma taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
My momma taught me FORESIGHT :
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My momma taught me IRONY :
"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My momma taught me about the science of OSMOSIS :
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My momma taught me about CONTORTIONISM :
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My momma taught me about STAMINA :
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My momma taught me about WEATHER :
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My momma taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS :
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My momma taught me about HYPOCRISY :
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"
My momma taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE :
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My momma taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION :
"Stop acting like your father!"
My momma taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"