A is for Another

….season in the Premier League which, Cork, Shels & Harps, and many other league teams will look forward to. Notable exceptions are Dundalk, Bray and Cobh Ramblers. Any luck, and Bohs & Rovers will be fined £1 million each for just being scum of the earth, and be suspended from all competitions for the duration of the new millennium.

B is for Bohezz

Belligerent Bohezz fans who go ballistic when their teams loses – i.e. perpetual ballistic motion.

C is for Cork …..

Masters of reinvention, presently known as City, but formerly known as. United, Celtic, Hibernians ……………..

D is for Dalyer

E is for England

….second home for all good God fearin’ Irish soccer fans. These are the people who call players scum when they play for England, and God when playing for Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal, Leeds etc. National wha’ ?

F is for Feckin’

feckin’ Sky, feckin’ culchies, feckin’ ……………..

G is for Groundhog

Groundhog season, as Drogheda are inevitably relegated again and again and again and ……………

H is for Homeless

The Hooped Hun – who else- "here youngfla I’ll bleedin break ya up I will!"

I is for Intertoto

A most prestigious tournament for the losers of leagues all around Europe to compete in, well that’s all the teams that haven’t already qualified for the Champions league…despite not being champions.

J is for Junkies

What the southern sheep shaggers claim all Dubs to be, but actually it’s just Rovers fans

K is for Kickin’

The home produced football magazine which purports to be about Irish football, but which in reality only give token (and out of date) coverage to the NL game.

L is for Linesmen

Linesmen – not referee’s assistants – nearest target for abuse ( see V )

M is for Munster

Munster, home of Cork City, who lost the league because RTE are too cheap to travel away from Dublin.

N is for No

No Scumrock Rovers or Bohezz wanted in the NL.

O is for Ollie

Omnipotent obdurate omniscient obstreperous oligarch.

P is for Patboy Slim (not)

Pat Dolan, whose insatiable appetite for NL football, is matched only by his ebullient and evangelistic sales patter.

Q is for Quango

The quasi-autocratic organisation that is the F.A.I.. Shows scant regard for the NL clubs & competitions, as typified by the ‘comedy of errors and f**k-ups’ throughout the FAI Cup this past season

R is for Rathbane

Home ground of 1^st Div. Limerick (Stab City). Visiting supporters are searched for knives, on the way in. If you haven’t got one – you’re given one.

S is for Stadium of Shite

The ground where a ground ticket means ground – but is spelt with a capital M for mud, muck , mire & morass. Even Imelda Marcos wouldn’t have enough shoes to last the season.

T is for Tom

Tom Symmonds (Corky or Tom the Gom), goes to 200 + games every season. Winner of the inaugural N.L.U. Supporter of the Year award. Also subject of T.V. documentary Obsessions.

U is for United

Not as in the dreaded / envied cross channel Merchandise Utd., but Waterford, Drogheda , Galway, & Monaghan

V is for Vitriol

To be poured in equal measure, upon the opposition teams & fans, as well as the match officials

W is for Wa*Ker

Usually blind – fond term of endearment for referees

X is for Turners X

X marks the spot, but only in daylight. The only Premier League ground without floodlights

Y is for Youths

When all else fails, give them a fling – before mass deportation, cross channel.

Z is for Zoo

Where most Shamrock Rovers’ fans have escaped from.