Red Bull’s Twenty Questions - Fill in the blanks

(Hint – insert either Bohs, Pats, or Rovers and you can’t go wrong)

1. The merchandising department of ***** have come up with a new black and red striped Oxo cube. It'll be called 'Laughing Stock'.

2. A ***** fan finds a lamp. He rubs it and out pops a genie. Fan, “Can you make my dog win Crufts?” Genie, “What, with only three legs? Try again!” Fan, “Can you make ***** avoid relegation?” Genie, “Give me a look at that dog again...”

3. A burglary was recently committed at *****'s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Police are looking for a man with a red and black carpet...

4. How many ***** fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None: They're all happy living in the shadows...

5. The Fire Brigade phone the manager of ***** in the early hours. "Sir, your football stadium is on fire! "The cups man! Save the cups!" "Er, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet..."

6. Q: What's the difference between a cocktail stick and *****? A: A cocktail stick has 2 points

7. Q: What's the difference between a lift and **** ? A: A lift doesn't take 9 months to go down...

8. I'd tell the joke about ***** and a three pin plug both being useless in Europe, but one of them is useless anywhere.

9. The Chairman of ***** is considering replacing the manager with Ken Doherty. He said, "We don't need points now, we need snookers."

10. Irish Rail are going to sponsor *****. They think they are a suitable team due to their regular points failures !

11. Kodak are supposedly going to sponsor ***** because of their negative play !

12. Why did the ***** fan climb over the glass wall? To see what's on the other side!

13. What's the difference between a ***** fan and a lime ? One's green, bitter and best twisted, and the other's a citrus fruit!

14. What's the difference between a ***** fan and a coconut? Answer A: You can get a drink out of a coconut Answer B : One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.

15. What's the difference between *****’s squad and a puddle? A puddle has more depth

16. Three ***** fans go into a pub, the oldest orders a round of drinks then they toast 'to 51 days'. They finish their drinks and after the third round the landlord asks, what's this 51 days business about. The eldest fan replies, we've just finished a jigsaw in 51 days and on the box it says 2 to 4 years.

17. Have you heard the one about the ***** fan who bought a 'Golden Goal' ticket and found the word "October" written inside when he opened it!?

18. A bloke rings up the speaking clock and gets the following message. "If you are a police officer or a member of the armed forces then the time is 14:10. If you are an ordinary member of the public it's ten past two in the afternoon, and if you're a ***** fan it's Wednesday".

19. Q. What's the difference between a ***** fan and a broken clock? A. Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

20. Q. What's the difference between a ***** fan and a computer? A. You only have to punch information into a computer once!

Red Bull '99