"I'm going to book you for that tackle!"
"Aw, Ref - I didn't hear the other player complaining"
"That's because your boot is still in his mouth"
Some Americans told Mary they were coming to Ireland next year
and wanted to know the quickest way to find their long-lost relations
She told them to try winning the Lotto
The kids really missed Murphy when he went to America,
So their Ma bought them a dog.
But it took ages to train him to throw beer cans and swear at the TV.
Barry and Larry were taken off the plane by security officers and Larry was livid
"How many times have I told you, Barry?
If you spot Jack Charlton on a plane you say 'Hello Mr Charlton'.
It's only on the ground that you can shout 'HI, JACK!'"
"What did you think was the best part of last night's Ireland match?"
"Eamonn Dunphy's ventriloquist act."
"I didn't know Eamonn Dunphy was a ventriloquist."
"Neither did I - but me Da kept shouting that he was talking through his backside."
Brendan and the lads decided to go to America in style so they booked seats on Concorde.
After a few drinks Brendan calls the stewardess over.
"Are we flying faster than the speed of sound yet?"
"Yes sir, we are."
"Well, would you ask the pilot to slow down a bit? Me and the lads want to sing."
Sure, God created man before woman,
but then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece
Never criticise your wife's faults;
remember it may have been these little imperfections that
stopped her getting a better husband.
