Try To Imagine
If A Dublin Restaurant Functioned Like Microsoft

Punter: "Excuse me, waiter!"
Waiter: "Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?"

Punter: "There's a fly in my soup!"
Waiter: "Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time."

Punter: "No, it's still there."
Waiter: "Maybe it's just the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead."

Punter: "Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there."
Waiter: "Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowlare you using?"

Punter: "A SOUP bowl!"
Waiter: "Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?"

Punter: "You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!"
Waiter: "Can you remember everything you did BEFORE you noticed the fly in your soup?"

Punter: "Well, I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!"
Waiter: "Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day (TM)?"

Punter: "You have more than one Soup of the Day each day???"
Waiter: "Yeah, the Soup of the Day (TM) is changed every hour."

Punter: "Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?"
Waiter: "The current Soup of the Day (TM) is tomato."

Punter: "Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the bill, because I'm running a tad late now."
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the bill]
Waiter: "Here you are, Sir. The soup and your bill."

Punter: "This is potato soup."
Waiter: "Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet."

Punter: "Well, I'm dead hungry now, I'll eat anything."
[waiter leaves.]

Punter: "Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!"

The bill:
Soup of Day (TM): IR£6.00
Upgrade to newer "Soup of the Day" ™ : IR£4.50
Access to support: IR£7.00

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A large pink stuffed elephant that my boyfriend got me for my birthday"


You're late for work in Financial Services Centre, your house keys have gone missing, where IS everything today? And it occurs to you: 
"If only you had a "Find" tool in real life..."

Five minutes ago you were driving to the office at 80 mph in your brand new Nissan Primera. Now you are travelling to hospital at twice that speed in an ambulance. And you just think:
"If only there was a bloody "Undo" feature in real life..."

You're bankrupt after wasting "that house deposit for an apartment" on daytrading, or investing in some "hot" venture or in Eircom shares. You just think:
"If only there was a "Rebuild All" button in real life..."

The DART (Dublin Area Really Packed Like Sardines Transport System) is so packed that you can't get anywhere near that lovely lass at the other end of the carriage. You just think:
"If only there was "Zoom" and "View Full Screen" in real life..."

After getting married to her, you realise it was all a terrible mismatch. You just think:
"If only there was an evaluation period or at least a sample download or demo version in real life...".

One day you realise you're going bald. You just think:
"If only you could have "Cut and Paste" in real life..."

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