[#1 Normal is the Watchword]
Normal. That's the
watchword. Sounds good, doesn't it? Senior year begins tomorrow and all
appears hunky dory. Best friend? Check. Boyfriend? Check. Lilly's killer
behind bars? Check.
- Veronica's opening voiceover
"I guess it's true
what they say about you then, huh?"
"Probably, but you're
going to have to narrow it down for me."
- Kelvin and Veronica
"Logan, there's something
that you need to know about your dad—"
- Veronica
"Think it's a conspiracy?"
"This is Neptune.
Nothing happens accidentally."
"Well you were wrong
about the drug test. One 09er did fail."
"Who?"
"You're not gonna
believe it, either."
"I'm not the one who's
easily shocked."
"Meg."
- Wallace and Veronica
Just when I think I'm
out, they pull me back in.
- Veronica (voiceover)
"Got any enemies you
know about?"
"...I guess that leaves
everybody that hates you."
- Veronica and Wallace
I'll say this: there
was something much easier about having a secret relationship. But I guess,
from now on, that's next to impossible.
- Veronica (voiceover)
Logan and Duncan don't
speak anymore. I guess that's what happens when your best friend starts
dating your ex.
- Veronica (voiceover)
Tensions in Neptune
are the highest they've ever been between the haves and the have-nots…
09ers and non-09ers. And guess who the lightning rod is?
- Veronica, voiceover as Logan walks in
"I know a twenty-four-year-old
floozie who thinks you're hot."
"This floozie, did
you get her digits?"
"Hey, alright, now
don't make me have to go home and tell my momma."
"Wallace, your mom
and I have an understanding."
"You do?"
"Yes, and it's this:
I behave myself and she doesn't leave me. So please, tell her nothing…
other than I worship the ground on which she treads."
"I'm leaving now."
"'Ground on which
she treads.' You might want to write that down."
- Veronica, Keith and Wallace
"I was wondering where
we were drawing that ethical line this year."
- Wallace, roped in by Veronica
"I should go, because
my dad is probably watching us through a telescope."
"He's probably impressed
with your virtue."
"And that telescope
is mounted on a rifle."
- Veronica and Logan
"What I'm trying to
say is I'm in love with you."
"The things guys will
say to get past second base."
- Logan and Veronica
"...who wants to tour
Shark Field tomorrow."
"Wow. I can't believe
you're going."
"I like baseball."
"Yeah, but you don't
like people."
- Veronica and Wallace
I suppose it's true.
In Neptune these days, you're forced to choose sides.
- Veronica (voiceover)
"My sister's negotiating
with networks to sell her version of the Aaron Echolls story. I think the
sticking point is she's insisting she play herself. Producers, on the other
hand, are insisting on Tara Reid."
"Trina wasn't even
around."
"Who do you suppose
cares? I've always wanted a TV movie version of my life. Hey, think they
can get Tom Welling to play me?"
- Logan and Veronica
"Well, as much as I
enjoy the company of men, I've got other plans tonight."
- Logan to Cassidy and Dick
So yeah, my love life
got a bit complicated this summer, but it sorted itself out nicely.
- Veronica (voiceover)
You're coming on the
field trip? I figured you and the other Jets would be rumbling with the
Sharks.
- Duncan to Logan
"Hey, who's the lovely
young flower blossoming into womanhood?"
- Dick, spotting Gia
"I didn't know if you
guys were doing, like, relaxed beachy, or the West Coast wannabe East Coast
urban, so, FYI, it’s not a statement. I'm just doing the new-school blend-in
thing."
- Gia, not exactly blending in
"We're not taking that
stank-ass bus back to Neptune. My dad's sending a limo. Would you and your
girlfriend, whose quick wit I find enchanting, like to take the trip back
in style?"
- Dick to Duncan and Veronica
"All right, Duncan,
I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna go try and talk to Meg one more time.
You ride in the limo because I think it's gonna be easier if we're not
together."
"You don't owe her
anything. You didn't do anything to her."
"You are so not a
girl."
- Veronica and Duncan
"So, did you like your
taste? Your little year of living dangerously? Did you get your fill? As
soon as they'll have you back, you go running to the 09ers. And as a little
bonus, you give it up to the richest boys in school."
- Weevil to Veronica
This is Neptune. Nothing
happens accidentally.
- Veronica's closing voiceover
[#2 Driver Ed]
If a school bus, traveling
forty miles per hour drives off a cliff and plunges ninety feet into the
jagged coastline how many seconds did the six high school students, their
teacher, and bus driver have to contemplate the fact that they're about
to die? Two Mississippis' worth of screams, life flashes, and prayers,
maybe?
- Veronica (voiceover)
"You have to stop torturing
yourself."
"I'm not torturing
myself. I'm experiencing an appropriate degree of guilt."
- Duncan and Veronica
"It's eight o'clock,
when do you plan on getting up?"
"The plan was two
hours ago; the reality is another forty minutes."
- Terrence and Jackie
Ed Doyle's saint toss
wasn't a sign he was turning his back on God. He just needed change for
the phone, so he bought the cheapest thing he could find. But who did he
call and why doesn't anyone know about it?
- Veronica (voiceover)
"You need focus, precision,
the ability to only think about the task at hand. When I'm working, my
family doesn't exist. Does that sound awful? It's not, because when I'm
with my family, work doesn't exist."
- Dick Casablancas
"Dude, have you forgotten
I live alone."
"Yeah, but only psycho
chicks want to go out at Casa de Killer."
- Logan and Dick
"Slow night?"
"Ah, not bad. Busy
enough to not get bored, slow enough to do my homework."
- Wallace makes small talk with a customer
You know the charge
that goes up your spine at moment of epiphany? It just hit me. I'm not
gonna let the list of things I want to do before I die turn into a list
of regrets.
- Veronica (voiceover)
Okay, I know my father
is a brilliant detective with a keen intuition and a finely-tuned BS detector,
but there is no way he can tell that I've had sex. Right?
- Veronica (voiceover)
Veronica Mars.
- A message in a bottle for Veronica
[#3 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang]
Maybe I should consider
a career as a Neptune trophy wife?
- Veronica (voiceover)
You're not gonna hear
about the dead man with my name on his hand, because I like being able
to leave the house without an armed escort.
- Veronica (voiceover)
"Veronica, it's no
big deal, just what guys do sometimes."
"I don't think Colin
Firth gets into these pointless fisticuffs. A pistol duel, maybe..."
- Duncan and Veronica, after Duncan's fight with Logan
This is Logan with
today's inspirational message. "To love and win is the best thing. To love
and lose, the next best." William M. Thackeray.
- Logan's phone message
"It was meant for me."
- Veronica, coming to a conclusion
[#4 Green Eyed Monster]
"Julie, stand down.
He's not cheating on you. He's with a rabbi."
"A rabbi? He's not
Jewish. I'm Jewish."
"Are you there yet?"
- Veronica and Julie
"Hey, buddy, whatcha
doing?"
"Veronica, are you
in immediate life-threatening danger?"
"At this precise moment,
no."
"Then I'm hanging
up."
- Veronica and Wallace
"Miss Pixie-Stick."
- Jackie's name for Veronica
"Do you own those clothes,
or did you make a stop at Dirty Coeds-R-Us? ...go Lolita his ass."
- Wallace, as Veronica goes undercover
Mental note: don't
mention partner's ex-girlfriend if one expects to fool around. And while
we're on the subject of men I failed to seduce today, time to see what
Colin likes to google...
- Veronica (voiceover)
"I have to say, it
is a little comforting. I haven't snuck out of my house at three AM in
a while."
- Mac, on a mission for Veronica
When your mom's an
alcoholic, you spend a lot of time looking at bottles.
- Veronica (voiceover)
You both wanted to
be sure you were loved for who you really were. And it seems that one of
you was.
- Veronica, about Julie and Colin (voiceover)
"My day is complete.
Veronica Mars has accused me of evil. Hm. Where to start? Oh yes, who the
hell is Curly Moran? And how do you know he knows my dad and what conspiracy
theory have you pulled out of your ass this time?
- Logan
"Of course, a group
of lower-middle class Neptune High students plummet to their death and
the 09ers throw a party."
"Hence the Life Short
part. It was in their honor and in the end, it wasn't just your social
betters. In fact, your pal, Weevil, and his biker boys crashed it."
- Veronica and Logan
[#5 Blast From the Past]
"Veronica Mars! Saving
the world one pointless act at a time."
- Logan
"It's really all about
the after party. The dance itself is more like a means to an end."
- Cora, looking forward to Homecoming
Blingo.
- Veronica, on the lookup for someone dolled up to the nines
"So I was thinking.
You're an emancipated minor, I'm an emancipated minor. Maybe we should
get together Thursday night?"
- Duncan to Logan
"You know, if anyone
finds out about this, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."
"If I tell anyone,
I won't blame you."
- Cora and Veronica, discussing Cora's secret job
"It's weird that you
live here. I don't want you going all Howard Hughes-y on me."
- Veronica, visiting Duncan's hotel room
"Tell me more of this
thing you call 'Homecoming'."
" I haven't asked
you yet."
"Mmm-mmm."
"I'm such a dope."
- Veronica and Duncan
"The one who sticks
with you is the one who cares."
- Veronica to Wallace, about parents
Apparently, the dead
are looking out for the shallow.
- Veronica, watching a 'psychic' in action
"Wait. I am receiving
another voice... Lilly? She has a message for you. She says, you should
have stayed away from her boyfriend."
- Madame Sophie to Veronica
"It's your world, I
just live in it."
- Wallace to Veronica
[#6 Rat Saw God]
Instead of a best friend,
I've got an email address that won't write back.
- Veronica, after Wallace leaves (voiceover)
"You're out of cocktail
weenies, and I'm out of cocktail."
"We're out of gin."
"I'm not particular...
(hears results going badly) ...Whatever it is, make it a double."
- Cliff and Veronica
"Well first, I'd just
like to say the other, uh, nominees are all such wonderfully gifted criminals..."
- Logan, picked out at an identity parade
"So: chip, how 'bout
you thank me by takin' the old block's advice? Get a new lawyer."
- Cliff, to Logan and Aaron
"Did you come all the
way out here just to give me that tough guy speech?"
"No, I came all the
way out here to show how easily I can get to you."
- Aaron and Keith
[#7 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner]
"Seriously, though,
I was reading 'Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide', and we should come up
with, like, some kind of code word for when you guys are feeling frisky
and, uh, don't want to be disturbed."
"Like 'scram'?"
"I was thinking 'awkward'.
But scram's good. Or 'amscray'."
- Logan and Veronica, after he walks in on her and Duncan
"Honestly, how much
easier would your life be if you were indifferent to me?"
- Logan to Veronica
"I think they call
it a part-time job. It's when you do this thing called work, and strangers
pay you instead of the Allowance Fairy."
"Ah, the Allowance
Fairy. Elusive in Neptune outside the 09er zip."
- Duncan and Veronica
"I am a working single
mother, Veronica. The last thing I need is a babysitter. I need a clone."
- Ms Hauser
"The only time I get
to act like your mother is when your father's not around to stop me."
- The former Mrs Casablancas
"Life's tragedy is
that we get old too soon and wise too late: Ben Frankin."
- Logan's latest ansaphone message
"Doesn't this mean
anything to you?"
"It does. It means
I'm getting laid. And I owe your village a goat."
- Kendall and Logan
[#8 Ahoy Mateys!]
"Sometimes a cigar
store is just a cigar store."
- Veronica
"You're being a jackass.
Must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when
you're kissing my ass for a favour."
"Well you find out
why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix
and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar."
- Veronica and Logan
"I've had a very bad
year."
- Logan
"Why must you make
the tech support people cry?"
- Veronica to Keith
"Look, I'm happy to
be the Q to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically-assisted mystery
solving? Costs."
- Mac to Veronica
"He can't be that rich
and that pleasant without harbouring a dark secret."
- Captain Krunk's take on Duncan
"Wait, what if nerd
hunters drive by and tranq and tag me?"
- Veronica, on a mission with Mac
"Potato-heads."
- Weevil's description of the Fitzpatricks
Camp SelfQuest... Not
to be mistaken for the elf-hunting camp of a similar name.
- Veronica (voiceover)
[#9 My Mother, The Fiend]
"It's an animatronic
parental lifestyle simulator."
- Duncan, describing the fake plastic baby
"Now. Find a partner,
pick a baby."
"Ooh. Aren't we supposed
to have a shot of tequila first?"
- Ms Hauser and Veronica
"More alphabetising,
less cold-casing."
- Clemmons, with a mission for Veronica
"Veronica. I see that
Mr Clemmons is failing in his prime directive."
"What's that?"
"Keeping you out of
my face."
- Principal Moorehead and Veronica
"Three words: Evan.
Rachel. Wood. She's gonna play you in 'The Aaron Echolls Story'!"
- Trina to Veronica
"Well, if I had known
you were throwing yourself at my roommate I'd have raced home."
- Logan to Kendall
"The girl does love
a good exit line."
- Logan, as Trina leaves
"Look, kid. I have
worked very hard to over the years to avoid working. Now you want to give
me a job? I know nothing about sales."
"Sure you do. That's
all you know."
- Kendall and Cassidy
"We have something
in common now: we both need to find out who killed Felix."
"So what, we team
up? Get matching capes, I ride shotgun in a sidecar?"
"Somethin' like that,
but not yet. You see, I can't let you leave here lookin' the way you did
when you walked in. Not if I don't want to end up some bald guy with tattoos
who rides the school bus."
"Well, I hope you
don't just expect me to stand here and take it."
"Wouldn't be much
fun if you did."
"All right, so who's
gonna throw the first—<bam>"
- Weevil and Logan, about to put on a genuine performance
I can't pretend I'm
righting a wrong. I'm not rescuing a housekeeper. Be honest with yourself,
Veronica you just can't stand Celeste Kane and you want to see her humiliated.
- Veronica (voiceover)
"Are you keeping a
dead rat in our freezer, or do we have a slam-dunk lawsuit against the
processed food industry?"
"I found it on the
bus... It was duct-taped under one of the back seats."
"It was a message.
For me, I'm the rat."
"I don't know. Maybe.
Maybe it was someone else on the bus."
- Veronica and Keith
"You read Machiavelli
this summer, didn't you?"
- Veronica, realising she's been played by Clemmons
[#10 One Angry Veronica]
"Don't worry. I do
this for all my boyfriends — I know. I'm amazing."
- Veronica, sneaking Duncan into the hospital
"I'm sorry, I was looking
for my apartment, but I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of magical
winter wonderland instead. Why, perhaps this elf can help me."
- Keith, after Veronica decks the apartment with festive cheer
"Thanks for doing all
this, honey."
"Thank the three energy
drinks. Merry Christmas, pops."
- Keith and Veronica
"I don't know if you've
made plans for college, but I think you'd fit right in at Hearst."
"Stay here, in Neptune?"
"Well, we won't be
moving the university."
"I'd really kinda
planned on having my car packed and running during graduation ceremonies,
just to kinda beat the rush out of Neptune."
- College Professor and Veronica
"It's not always easy
doing the right thing."
"If that phrase isn't
on the Mars family crest, it should be."
- Keith and Veronica
[#11 Donut Run]
"Hi-ho, it's off to
work you go."
"I guess that makes
me Snow White."
"You must be on your
way up to see Mopey."
"How's he doing, Sleazy?"
"Wouldn't know, he
doesn't come out of his room. Old Italian ladies don't grieve like this."
- Logan and Veronica, discussing Duncan
"Leave me alone, I'm
wallowing."
- Veronica, listening to the Dawson's Creek theme song
"Right. Next question
in the Search Engine Olympics. Contestants, get ready. What is the varsity
boys' basketball team's record in district play? Go!"
- Coach Preppernau, teaching a computer class as only he can
"You played *me*, Veronica!"
"I had to."
"I love you. I'll
always love you. But I don't know how I'll ever trust you again."
- Keith and Veronica
"Hey, Lilly. Daddy's
here. Everything's gonna be all right."
- Duncan, driving off into the sunset
[#12 Rashard and Wallace go to White Castle]
"My boyfriend just
fled the country with his dead ex-girlfriend’s baby. I need a project."
- Veronica
"How did you guys even
meet?"
"At church. St. Mary’s."
"Of course. The only
place the micks and the spics ever get together without someone getting
punched."
- Weevil and Molly Fitzpatrick
"Do you know what any
words actually mean?"
- Veronica to Wallace
"During the election
I did a thing you won’t approve of, and now I have a tape you should hear."
- Veronica to Keith
"Isn’t this a very
odd coincidence?"
- Veronica, 'bumping' into Logan and Weevil
"What does a dead rat
do?"
"Besides smell?"
"A dead rat’s only
talent — it smells. Bad enough to drive anyone who could afford another
ride off the bus."
- Keith and Veronica
It always was a weird
coincidence. The rich kids lived, the poor kids died.
- Veronica (voiceover)
Do I feel guilty? Yes.
Fortunately, that’s what this place was made for.
- Veronica, in church, (voiceover)
"Where have you been?"
"Nowhere. But if God
asks, I was with you."
- Wallace and Veronica
"What fraternity did
you say this was?"
"Alpha Rho something."
"Alpha Rho Nu? A black
fraternity... Part of us isn’t blending in."
- Wallace and Veronica
[#13 Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough]
"We all saw her, lurking
around."
"Lurking? Uh, you
mean, standing while black?"
- Madison and Jackie
"You know, there are
plenty of people with notorious parents who turn out to be decent people.
Don't think you have an excuse."
- Ms Hauser to Jackie
"You know your case
must really suck if your prime suspect is a six year-old."
- Weevil to Veronica
"I couldn't help but
notice that you are separated from the herd. And I'm concerned, you know,
predators and all that."
"Well, I can take
care of myself."
"Well that's a shame."
- Logan, breaking the ice with Hannah
"You're like the hot
daughter of a king he marries off to get, like, Denmark or something."
"You mean a princess."
"You know I'm only
ever going to call you princess now."
- Logan and Hannah
"We marked your words
before, and I don’t know if you know this, but they formed this, like totally
false accusation..."
- Veronica to Madison
"Got a funny story
for you. I call it 'How Weevil got his new car'."
- Veronica to Weevil
"Remember that whole
thing with Nancy’s number on the fifty dollar bill? Yeah, I made it up."
"You got some skill,
girl."
- Veronica and Weevil
[#14 Versatile Toppings]
"Why can't the evil
just get jobs like the rest of us?"
- Veronica
"Sorry to blow your
mind, but I'm a lesbian, Veronica."
"Oh...well...that's
cool."
"Only when you're
in college."
- Kylie and Veronica
"You were in the casino
that day? Possibly when the bus crashed? That's great news. Casinos happen
to be the most photographed places on earth."
- Keith to Terrence
"You gotta learn to
leave me alone."
"And here, I thought
we were getting to be pals."
"Please. You date
Logan, he's nailed for murder. You date Duncan, he's wanted for kidnapping.
You get put on Robbie and Hunter's jury, they get sent to Chino. You're
like rich-dude kryptonite, Veronica. This rich dude wants no part of it."
- Dick and Veronica
"We're all coconuts.
That's what you get called in Neptune when you're Latino and date white
people or join Honor Society. Get it? Like Twinkies and Oreos, except that
we're brown on the outside..."
- Carmen to Veronica
"My first girlfriend
was murdered. My last girlfriend nearly got shotgunned by a PCHer drive-by.
I mean, color me crazy, but I see a pattern. I'm trying to protect you."
- Logan to Hannah
"You can't threaten
me, you little punk."
"Wouldn't be here
if you couldn't be threatened."
- Griffith and Logan
"So are you ready to
be the bait, Corny?"
"Hell, yeah. No one's
better. I'm what you'd call a 'master bait'."
- Veronica and Corny
"I need you to get
me into a restricted website... What's the problem? You set it up, didn't
you?"
- Veronica, bumping into a problem with Mac
"Ryan, we caught the
mugger. He doesn't have the cranial resources to spell blackmail, let alone
perform it."
- Veronica
"What are you doing?"
"That depends, what
are you gonna let me do?"
- Hannah and Logan, stealing a moment
"You wanna know why
I do it? Because I wanna survive high school, okay?"
- Kelly, on why he stays in the closet
[#15 The Quick and the Wed]
"Veronica saw them
first-hand."
"Oh, well, if Veronica
saw them. I mean that's like Moses bringing tablets down the mountain to
me."
- Keith and Sheriff Lamb
"Today, the youngest
Echolls is, like his old man, awaiting trial, accused in the stabbing death
of a local gang member, a murder that took place on the infamous Coronado
Bridge..."
"That's who you're
dating?"
- Hannah's Mom catches a news story about Logan
"I know. I'm awful.
What kind of mother would prohibit her daughter from dating a boy who's
awaiting trial for manslaughter?"
"Almost all patenting
books eschew the use of sarcasm with adolescents so, you know."
- Steph and Hannah
"What have I told you
about thinking?"
"That it makes my
breasts smaller?"
- Beaver and Kendall
"Have you ever considered
that maybe I'm the clever one? That this delightful packaging is a means
to outwitting my adversary?"
"Consider it? I'm
banking on it."
"But have you considered
that, um, you're my adversary? My name's on everything, right?"
"Oh yes it is."
- Kendall and Beaver
"Let's not freak out
until there's something concrete to freak out about."
"You mean like finding
her car abandoned in the middle of nowhere?"
"Yeah, like that."
- Veronica and Wallace
"So, what did the sheriff's
department say?"
"Nothing that inspires
confidence."
- Wallace and Veronica
"Come on, have a beer.
We'll let you roll a frame."
"Vinnie, this is not
'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."
- Vinnie and Veronica
"Let's get out of here,
go to your place."
"I know the words
coming out of your mouth are 'go to your place', but all I hear is 'Let's
have sex.'"
- Hannah and Logan
"I'm confused. You're
talking and your clothes are on. I'm starting to think you really came
over here to try and sell me real estate."
- Logan to Kendall
"I think I've done
something horrible."
- Logan to Veronica
[#16 The Rapes of Graff]
"You’re a really sweet
girl, but… I’m not a sweet guy."
"Look, if this is
really some kind of joke please tell me the punch line soon. 'Cause I could
really use the laugh about now."
- Logan and Hannah
"So, you’re blonde
– thirty points. And a natural, too, another twenty. You are super-cute,
fifty points. And you’re kind of, like, sassy..."
"So, if someone were
to have sex with me, they’d walk away with 210 points?"
- Frat Guy and Veronica
"Maybe I wanted to
demonstrate that I really had changed."
"So, you’re no longer
evil. You’re stupid. Congratulations."
- Troy and Veronica
"So, chivalry isn’t
dead. Just can’t fight. Yeah, let’s go."
- Stacy, after Troy's inept attempt to help Veronica
Gone on puzzling errand.
Back later. Dad.
- Keith's note for Veronica
"You did laundry at
three in the morning? Why would the cops be suspicious of that? God, Troy."
"Look, yes, we went
upstairs and fooled around. Strictly PG13. And then she pukes all over
me..."
- Veronica and Troy
"You must be on good
terms with the Neptune Grand security people."
"When my daughter
dated a billionaire’s kid living alone in the president’s suite, me and
the security guys got pretty tight."
- Cliff and Keith
"I just want some biblical
justice."
- Stacy
"I want to emphasize,
this should not be construed as coercion. We’re just showing you a picture."
"That’s Madison Sinclair,
who I believe takes World History with my daughter."
"So, what, this isn't
blackmail? She’s 18. That’s legal."
"Sounds like a swell
campaign slogan for the next election."
- Cliff and Keith do not blackmail Sheriff Lamb
"If I wanted to find
a Hawaiian girl, where would I start?"
"In Hawaii? I’m so--
I don’t understand what you..."
- Veronica and Dean, with some "Arrested Development" humor
"What does this mean,
CL?"
"Oh, uh, that’s a
score. It’s 150 in roman numerals. It’s a Pi Sig thing. They have, like,
a, you know, a contest for scoring girls or something."
- Veronica and Dean
"You’re a real friend."
"How about we just
call me an acquaintance with reservations?"
- Troy and Veronica
"That’s Veronica Mars.
Making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come
here next year, you’ve already got enemies. Just feel right at home."
- Wallace to Veronica
[#17 Plan B]
"I need your help."
"If I had fifty bucks
every time someone said that..."
"Look, I know it's
a drag being you and—"
"No, seriously, I'm
gonna need fifty bucks if you expect me to keep listening."
- Weevil and Veronica
"But you beat him anyway?"
"No, I saved his life.
My boys wanted to send him off a cliff behind the Road Hog."
- Veronica and Weevil
"Thumper's gonna go
down for what he did to Felix one of two ways. Either the law's gonna handle
it, or I will. You want it done right, then help me get the proof."
- Weevil to Veronica
"When my mom started
getting wrinkles around her eyes and she could see the end of her modeling
career coming, her new career became landing a wealthy man."
- Jackie
"You know, I'm not
sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off you're
officially a bad boy."
- Veronica to Logan
"This serves as a pre-emptive
apology for the conversation that's about to take place."
- Mac to Veronica
"Look up Eli Navarro.
There's gotta be something outstanding we can book him on."
"Well, if I did it,
it's outstanding."
- Sheriff Lamb and Weevil
"Imagine how helpful
that recording would be if was obtained legally. Not to mention an actual
confession."
"Note the absence
of a silver platter. This was more to steer you in the right direction
than to, say, do your job for you."
- Sheriff Lamb and Veronica
"You know, an 09er
could come in here with tea leaves and a ouija board and they'd send out
a SWAT team. It's time for Plan B."
"Not just yet, Dirty
Harry."
"In case you haven't
noticed, I ain't no mick cop."
"Uh...okay. Dirty
Sanchez?"
- Weevil and Veronica
"Don't worry, gang,
if she's a two at ten, she'll be a ten at two."
- Logan, with Gina at the dance
"Wallace, the girl
you're trying to make me right now is the girl that I'm trying really hard
not to be. So...knock it off."
- Jackie
"If you sit here, it
proves that I'm the man-eating bitch who snatched you from one of the sweetest
girls in school. I won't have that. Now go."
- Jackie to Wallace, after he walks away from Jane
"When I dreamed of
this moment, I've Had the Time of My Life was always playing. Well,
what can you do."
- Logan, slow dancing with Veronica
"Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned. It's been a long, long time since my last confession."
- Weevil
[#18 I AM GOD]
"My sister gave my
computer files to Duncan, not you. Those are my personal, intimate...wait.
Forgot. I'm dead. In Veronicaland, no pulse, no privacy."
- Meg, in Veronica's dreams
"Did you watch 'House
of Wax' again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares."
- Keith to Veronica
I Know Who You Did
Last Summer.
- Veronica's computer message for Dick
"Dick was horrible
to Betina. He treated her like a free hooker. I know, she let him, but
it's my friendial obligation to blame it all on him."
- Maureen to Veronica
"You don't like me
much, do you?"
"The last time we
actually talked, you were bashing Veronica's headlights with a crowbar."
- Logan and Wallce
"Wallace, have you
met my fluffer?"
- Logan, as his nighttime maid walks in
"You were dressed in
that exact, snazzy outfit which, if I'm not mistaken, is your dating uniform."
- Veronica to Keith
"Veronica, I think
that when you get out in the world a little more, you'll, you'll discover
that not all well-dressed, articulate, detail-oriented men are gay. Many
of them are just Asian."
- Mr. Wu
"You're asking the
wrong question. All right. Maybe a better question is why was I even on
the bus? Why would I even be interested in going to a baseball stadium?
Huh? Mull that one over for a while, okay?"
- Peter, in Veronica's dream
[#19 NEVER MIND THE BUTTOCKS]
"Why don't I have a
cell phone interceptor?"
"Please, respect the
business model, Veronica. I do the gadgets. You do the actual espionage."
- Veronica and Mac
"The explosion didn't
kill those people. The drop into the ocean did."
- Veronica
"You really think any
of those 09ers was worth all that effort to me?"
"Logan was."
"He wasn't even there."
"He was supposed to
be. Are you telling me you wouldn't off the guy who killed Felix?"
- Weevil and Veronica
"They were sleeping
together? That was weeks before Kendall's husband fled the country."
"Logan may be a little
fuzzy on the Commandments."
- Keith and Veronica
"I tried. It doesn't
work. You want us to do this platonic thing, you gonna have to make some
adjustments."
"Like what? What do
you want me to do, Wallace? My burkha's at the cleaners."
- Wallace and Jackie
"I hate fake deer too.
Every time I see their stupid fake deer faces I wanna grab a shotgun and
go all Cheney on 'em."
- Veronica to Harry
"It belonged to Thumper."
"Belonged? Interesting
use of the past tense."
- Weevil and Veronica
"Cervando. I loved
the guy, but he was book-smart and street-dumb."
- Weevil
"I leave the day after
graduation. What does that give us, five weeks? Just enough time to get
our hearts broken? There's no happy ending out there for us."
- Jackie to Wallace
"I did make copies.
Lots of 'em. And the day I go missing is the day they go public. Might
wanna keep that in mind."
"You might wanna watch
your back."
"Why? You're gonna
be watching it for me."
- Weevil and Liam Fitzpatrick
[#20 LOOK WHO'S STALKING]
"I dedicated it to
this table of cute guys, but then I realised they weren't cute. They were
dweb Pan High guys and not the nice nerd kind but the weird, creepy..."
- Gia to Veronica
"Well, there was this
one girl. She was uh, blonde, petite. Smelled of marshmallows and promises."
"Promises? That’s
the name of my perfume!"
- Logan, toying with Veronica
"Wow, you and your
drunk 09er buddies get the prom cancelled, and then use your inherited
wealth to throw a private prom."
"When you say it like
that it sounds unjust."
- Veronica and Logan
"The rich kids are
throwing a private replacement prom."
"Damn, they're just
privatizing everything these days."
- Veronica and Wallace
"It's like a conspiracy."
"It's a good thing
we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in
school knows you."
"Bring on the sorority
girls!"
- Dick and Logan
"Mac, you really do
look—"
"Don't distract me.
I'm planning how to kill you and make it look like an accident."
- Veronica and Mac, at the alterna prom
"I can't imagine what
that's like. Can you? Being on the Lamb? Think you'd just want to close
your eyes and pray for it all to end. You'd have the cops crawling all
over you. Right? What do you think, Madison?"
- Veronica to Madison
"So what are you like
now?"
"You know. Tortured.
Ever since I had my heart broke."
"Hannah really did
do a number on you, huh?"
"Come on, you know
I'm not talking about Hannah... I thought our story was epic, you know?
You and me."
"Epic how?"
"Spanning years and
continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic. But summer's almost here. And
we won't see each other at all. Then you'll leave town then...it's over."
- Veronica and Logan
"Come on. Ruined lives,
bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?"
"No one writes songs
about the ones that come easy."
- Veronica and Logan
"I don't want to lose
you from my life either."
- Veronica, the morning after
"Last night was kind
of a blur..."
- Logan to Veronica
[#21 HAPPY GO LUCKY]
"It's a very powerful
thing when someone sees you as the person that you wish you were."
- Aaron, about Lily
"Saved someone's life.
Can't talk. Studying."
- Veronica, updating Wallace
"Do you know how long
I've wanted to go to Stanford?"
"Since middle school."
"Elementary, my dear
Wallace... Do you have any idea how long I've waited to say that?"
- Veronica and Wallace
"I need your help with
something... I need your help with, you know, algebra."
"Like...the math?"
- Weevil and Veronica
"So you know quadratic
equations, right?"
"Do I look like someone
who knows quadratic equations, huh?"
- Cassidy and Weevil
"So, if you have his
password..."
"Which I do. I looked
over his shoulder once when he was signing on."
"He should know: you
never log in with a Mars nearby."
- Veronica and Keith
"Most adults don't
have their children doing espionage work for them."
- Woody to Keith
"Been to any good murder
trials lately? I want to ask you about something."
"How unlike you. You
never come to me out of the blue with some random question."
- Veronica and Logan
"I just wanted to say...it
was worth getting taped to a pole. Gonna miss you."
- Wallace (aww!) to Veronica
[#22 NOT PICTURED]
"It's a stocked hunting
ranch, rich businessmen shooting captive birds."
"You think Woody's
there?"
"I checked Google
Earth. Satellite photos show a landing strip and a building big enough
to hold a plane. I'm on a flight to Reno, leaving an hour after graduation."
"I don't know if I
like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen."
"That's why I rarely
go to Texas."
- Keith and Veronica
"I can't decide if
my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything
I should know in case I get another one like you someday?"
"Don't keep all your
passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool Mr C."
- Clemmons and Veronica
"Whatever you told
him, it really did the trick because he just got on a plane to Paris. The
good news is, he's a four hour layover at JFK, so you can go tell him the
truth before he's forced to endure several ugly days of rude waiters for
nothing."
- Veronica to Jackie
"Well, don't look so
surprised. It's a small town. Now that I'm no longer in jail, we might
just run into each other from time to time."
- Aaron to Veronica
"I'm not gonna see
you for a whole week. That's like a month."
- Logan to Veronica
[# ABOUT THE SHOW]
"I know about Volchok.
I saw you mauling him at the Bait shop and now you're shacking up with
him at the trailer park."
"Wow, well aren’t
you a regular Veronica Mars? Way to solve this weeks mystery."
- Summer and Marissa, from "The OC"
"While I have to give
them major props for the execution, I'm not buying the concept. I get where
they were trying to go, but while I think last year they found a good balance
between not prematurely showing their hand and just the right amount of
foreshadowing, this season they were too conservative and I don't think
they properly set up this resolution from a character standpoint."
- Misskiwi, from the discussion at MI.net
of the finale
Like most fans, I had
assumed that, in choosing the second season's overarching mystery, Rob
Thomas and his writers would attempt to replicate the emotional resonance
the the Lilly Kane murder investigation had for both Veronica and the show's
viewers. The writers, however, deliberately provided us with a mystery
that could do neither. Horrified and bereaved as she is by the deaths of
eight people, Veronica is not motivated to investigate the bus crash--nor
is there any realistic reason why she should be. The fact that we expect
her to immediately launch into an investigation is indicative of a dissonance
between the way that the show's viewers see Veronica and the way Veronica
sees herself, which in my opinion is the root cause of many of the second
season's problems. In other shows whose premise revolves around the main
character's occupation or ability, the audience and the characters are
on the same page. House knows that he's a doctor. Buffy knows that it's
her destiny to save the world from monsters. Veronica doesn't know that
she's a detective. She thinks of herself--perhaps quite accurately--as
a teenage girl who sometimes does detective things, whether for money or
in order to help her friends or simply to sate her curiosity, but it doesn't
follow that she will investigate any mystery that crosses her path... For
all its complexity, the first season's mystery eventually coalesced into
a single story, the various plot strands linking into each other and forming
a single narrative. In the second season, the plot fragments into a million
strands, only a few of which end up having any significance to the bus
crash investigation. The others are left flailing, or simply ignored out
of existence -- such as the strong implication, early in the season, that
the bus crash was motivated by class tensions...
Perhaps the most significant
and troubling problem with the second season's plotting, however, is the
fact that throughout the season the viewers almost always know more than
Veronica. Whether because we know that we're watching a detective show--it
takes Veronica several episodes to realize that the bus was sabotaged,
whereas we had assumed as much at the end of "Normal is the Watchword"[10]--or
because we are privy to information that Veronica isn't, or because she
simply isn't interested in investigating the crash and therefore takes
longer to arrive at certain conclusions about it, the show is constantly
in contravention of the cardinal rule of detective fiction--the detective
should always be smarter than us. Even more disturbing is the fact that
the story ends with Veronica completely oblivious to entire plotlines that
we know everything about--she doesn't know about Phoenix Land Trust[11],
she doesn't know how Weevil killed Thumper, she doesn't know how Aaron
managed to implicate Duncan in Lilly's murder, or who orchestrated Aaron's
death, or even something as simple as why her father was visiting the school
and going on dates in "I Am God". The detective should be our window to
the world, but throughout the second season, Veronica is the least inquisitive
and the least knowledgeable of an entire army of detectives--Keith, Logan,
Weevil, Beaver, Duncan. Given that she's also the least emotionally available,
the audience could be forgiven for wondering why this character is still
the show's protagonist.
- from Abigail's Nussbaum's "Asking
the Wrong Questions" blog
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but didn't the rule of thumb use to be that the second season was when
most television shows started to shine? If, that is, shining had ever been
in the cards--most good television shows, I mean to say, only got good
in their second season. The first season was where the groundwork was done,
the characters and their voices and personalities established, the writers
got their legs under them. Then the second season would come along and
the shows would shoot to the stratosphere--The X-Files, Buffy, Angel, even
Farscape. They all kept to that formula. So what's changed? I started watching
four new television shows last year, and fell in love with them all - Lost,
Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who & Veronica Mars. Four superb first
seasons, which between them got me feeling hopeful about television again.
And one by one, each of these shows has produced a disappointing second
season. Not all of them were dismally disappointing--my reactions ran the
gamut from 'screw this, I'm done' to 'but it's still better than 90% of
what's on TV', but none of the seasons I've watched this year have excited
and elated me as their predecessors did...
I think there is.
I think it all comes down to that much-maligned staple of television writing,
at least until a few years ago, formula. The shows I mentioned in this
entry's first paragraph were all originally formula shows. They were products
of the middle period in the transition towards novelistic television, when
writers and viewers alike were marvelling at the discovery that a show
that demanded loyalty, patience, and attentiveness from its viewers could
thrive, but they were originally conceived as formula shows...
Newer shows, created
in recent years, have skipped over that introductory period in which story
is sublimated to formula--they were created with a story, not a concept,
in mind. To my very great surprise, it turns out that that foundation of
formula actually gifted the mid- and late-90s shows with a degree of durability
that their early oughts counterparts don't have. When Joss Whedon wrapped
up a storyline--yet another villain defeated, yet another emotional hurdle
leaped--he had the show's basic concept to fall back on and use as a starting
point for the next story. The newer shows' writers don't seem to have that
broader understanding of the kind of story they want to tell--they have
a story, and they don't know how to handle its ending. Lost abandoned its
story half-told. Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who arrived at something
like a stopping point and tried to regress into formula. Veronica Mars
tried to find a happy medium between repeating itself and abandoning its
genre and came up with something half-baked...
Perhaps I should have
paid closer attention to my own choice of words--novelistic television.
Novels end. Most of them don't have sequels, and when they do those sequels
are usually inferior, and their sequels give increasingly diminished returns.
The underlying cause of all these disappointing second seasons may simply
be an incompatibility of format--we can have television novels, but perhaps
not in the American network model.
- Abigail Nussbaum, "Attack
of the Sophomore Slump"
#
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