There was a couple who really loved each other. One night, they decided to have sex. Since the girlfriend's parents were at her house, they had to do it at the boyfriend's house. "It's ok, but we have to be quiet since my little brother is sleeping and we are on bunk beds." says the boyfriend. "Ok. Lets do it this way. If i say bread, than we go slow, and if i say turkey, we go fast." the girl exclaims. The couple agrees, goes to the boyfriend's house, and starts having sex. They yell out, "bread and turkey, bread and turkey!" Suddenly, the little brother screams, "Stop making Turkey sandwiches! The mayonnaise is dripping all over me!"

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

.. File not found. Should I fake it?

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Arnold Schwartzenegger has a big one,

Michael J. Fox has a small one,

Madonna doesn't have one,

The Pope has one but doesn't use it,

Clinton uses his all the time,

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,

Liberace didn't use his with women,

Jerry Seinfeld is very proud of his,

We never saw Lucy use Desi's

What is it? .......

Answear: Last name...(you pervert)

Two country men move to the big city to work so they share a rented house together. They celebrate they new found dwelling with a house warming and feel it the next morning. Hung over Paddy stays in bed, Liam gets up and gets breakfast. Ten minutes later Liam shouts up to Paddy, "The kettle is on and I found a jigsaw, your tea will be ready soon.". Paddy rolls over and goes back to sleep. Five minutes pass when Liam shouts upstairs again, "Your teas ready Paddy so come down. I'm having trouble with this jigsaw.". Paddy sits up and yawns," Whats the jigsaw of?". Liam says " A farm yard bird I think.". Liam goes down stairs and enters the kitchen and says "Laim, for gods sake put the Corn Flakes back in the box!".


An Englishman, Irishman and Welshman are talking a walk in hills one evening. As they near the mid-point of the strole they see a sheep that has become entangled in a wire fence, caught half in, half out. Immobilised and helpless. As the English man passes he thinks to himself "I wish that was Liz Hurley!", as the Irishman passes he muses inwardly " I wish that was Sinead O' Conner!". As the Welsh man passes he thinks to himself, "I wish it was dark!".