The Knocknaheeny Howler

The Knocknaheeny Howler
School Tours Cancelled by Pamela and Sonya
	Yesterday it was discovered that a cow had Mad Boy Disease. He got it from something in his food. The farmer said it must have occurred when a boy left his sandwich behind after a school tour. He first noticed the symptoms when the cow started playing soccer. Scientists are baffled by this. Scientists said, "We have to find a cure for this before all cows turn in to soccer crazy boys!" The cow has been brought to a lab for tests.
All school tours are being cancelled until further notice. If we don’t find a cure in the near future we will have names such as Harry Hereford, Freddy Friesian, Mad Bull O'Donovan playing in the Irish Soccer Team. We will keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Man Savages Lion by Robert and Aidan
	Yesterday a man opened a lion’s cage in Dublin Zoo. He dived in and started to rip the lion apart. The lion is now dead. After killing the lion he opened all the cages and let all the animals out. The animals began attacking everybody in sight. Eyewitnesses reported seeing bodies scattered everywhere as the animals roamed free attacking anything that moved. Everyone in the capital city is running scared wondering what animal will appear around the corner.
Later the man was trapped in a gorilla cage when the zookeeper came along and locked the cage door behind him. The gardai were on the scene within minutes. When he asked about his reasons for the attack he is reported to have replied "When I was four years old a lion ripped my teddy apart and I had to wait all this time to gain revenge."
Baby Rams Patrol Car by Paul & Kevin
Yesterday morning outside Supervalu at 11:00 a.m. a buggy was stolen. Eye witnesses reported seeing the buggy zooming down Baker’s Hill with a baby on board doing a hand-breaker onto Blarney St.
Two hours later reports of a squad-car being rammed by a baby in a buggy came in. Two police officers were taken to the Mercy Hospital with broken ribs and fractured bones. Hours later the infant thief was captured and brought straight to a sitting of the District Court. Judge O’Connell sentenced him to a severe spanking. He was then brought to the ‘Spanking Department’.