Blueroom Area

Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better than Sex

1.You can GET chocolate.

2."If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3.Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4.You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5.You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6.You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7.If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8.Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9.The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10.You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.

11.You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12.You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13.With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14.Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15.You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

16.Good chocolate is easy to find.

17.You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18.You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19.When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20.With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

A man comes home from his work at the pickle jaring factory. What goes on there is that they slice and jar pickles. He looks to his wife and says he has a problem and she asks what that problem is. He says, "I have this urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." "WHAT??" Says his wife, "Did I hear you correctly?" "Yep I want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer." She tells him that maybe he should see a sex therapist about his problem. The man thinks about it and decides that he can probably kick this problem on his own. Two weeks go by and the man returns from work one day with a real bad look on his face. His wife asks "What's the matter?" He says "Remember about two weeks ago how I told you about sticking my dick in the Pickle slicer?" "You didn't?" She replies. "Yes I did." "Well what happened?" She asks. "Well I got fired." Says the man. "No No." she says "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh." replies the man " She got fired too."

A priest is in the confessional giving penance one day, and he realizes that he has to take a leak. He waves over a nearby nun and says to her, "Sister, please deliver penance for a short while as I must perform a necessary function." The nun agrees, but looks a little puzzled. "Father, how will I know what penance to give to who?" The priest replies, "There's a little list on the wall. Consult it and it'll tell you what to do." and he runs off. A few minutes later, a man walks into the confessional and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have stolen from my neighbour." The nun looks at the list on the wall and finds stealing on the list. "Say two Hail Marys and be on your way." She thinks to herself, this isn't too hard. A few minutes later, another fellow walks in. "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." he says. "I have fornicated." The nun looks on the list and finds fornication. She says to him "Say two Hail Marys and an Our Father and be on your way." She then starts thinking , " this isn't hard at all! I could do this more often!" A third man walks in and says, " Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I had oral sex," The nun looks at the list on the wall but she can't find a listing for oral sex. She looks around nervously and spots an altar boy. She pulls him aside and asks him, " What does the Father give for oral sex?" The boy replies, "I don't know what he gives you, Sister, but he give me two Snickers bars and a pat on the head."

One day a sex driven man talks to the gardener,”hey man, do you know where to find some girls?”, the gardener replied,”girls ey?? ok go straight to that house tomorrow, she’ll be there”,”thanks” ans. the man. So the day past and the man said to the girl,” a god sent me to make love to you” “ok, but only in the ass” she replied. So they had sex after, the man said,” haha, I fooled you! a god didnt sent me, only a gardener sent me, haha” the girl replied,” no, i fooled you, you see I am the gardener!! haha..hahaha!!”

A Priest and a Nun were riding a camel across the desert. All of the sudden the camel stopped and the two got off and the camel fell over dead. The Nun started to cry and the Priest asked her ,”What’s wrong and why was she crying??She replied, “Now, I’m gone die and I have never seen a man naked, or even close!” “ I can help with that,”. the Priest replied and pulled back his robe and his body was quite attentive and the sister asked , “ What is that?” and pointed to his penis (which was definitely attentive). He told her ,”This is my staff of life”. The sister smiled real big and said, “Well, good stick your staff of life in that camel’s ass and let’s get the fuck out of here!”

One day, a nineteen year old virgin boy approached his father and asked, “Dad, what does a vagina look like?” The yound man’s father replied, “Well, son, a vagina is a beautiful thing. It’s like the most beautiful flower you could imagine, with soft, moist pedals. It’s Gods most beautiful creation.... before sex, that is.” The young man thought about this for a few seconds, then asked, “Well, what does it look like after sex?” The father pondered for a few moments, then he said, “Well, have you ever seen a bulldog chewing on mayonnaise?”

Why do hippo’s fuck in water? how else are you going to get a 500lb pussy wet

what’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? beer nuts are $1.99,deer nuts are under a buck.

What’s the difference between brown-nosing and ass kissing??? Depth Perception

Hooker Humor

A guy, hanging out in his favorite bar spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him. The next night he goes back to the bar and sure enough she shows up again,only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?" "Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?" "Well, I dunno. What do you charge?" "I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there." "$100!?! For a hand job? Are you nuts?" "You see that Ferrari out there?" The guy looks out the front door, & sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside. "I paid cash for that Ferrari with money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it." The guy mulls it over for a while & decides what the hell. He leaves with her and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life. The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her. "Last night was incredible!" "Of course it was. Just wait til you try one of my blow jobs." "How much is that?" "$500" "$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!" "You see that apartment building across the street?" The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment building. "I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it." Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her & once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints- twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself 'til she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost to go all the way?" She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?" "Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!" She nods her head. "You bet. If I were really a woman, I'd own that island!"

A man comes home to find his wife in front of a mirror admiring her breasts. He asked her, "What are you doing?" She said to him, "The Doctor said that I have the chest of an eighteen year old girl." "Oh," the man said, "What did he say about your 40 year old ass?" She turn to him and said, "Well Honey, we did not talk about you at all."

A cop on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Tell Santa next year to put a taillight on that bike.” The kid says, “Nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The cop says, “Yeah.” The kid says, “Well, tell Santa next year to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look. “Ha!” the man says. “Can’t you play it?” The octopus looks up at the man and says, “Play it? I’m going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”

Mark and Sharon decide they don't want to discuss sex in front of their 3 year old daughter, so they decide to talk in code. One day Mark is feeling a little bit turned on and says to Katie, "Tell your mother I would really like to type a letter." Katie runs off to find her mom. "Mommy, mommy," shouts Katie, "Daddy would like to type a letter." Sharon replies slightly sheepishly, "Katie, go and tell your daddy that he can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." Katie tears off to her father and says, "Daddy, daddy, mommy says you can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." A few days later Sharon remembers that Mark was a little bit keen on a bit of nookie and she calls Katie, "Katie, tell your daddy that he can type that letter today." Katie went off to look for her father and told him, "Daddy, mommy says you can type the letter today." "That's okay, Katie," Mark says, "you can tell your mother that I don't need the typewriter anymore; I wrote the letter by hand."

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. Consider: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away. People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over. Some people know their shit while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, dog shit, cat shit, bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse shit. There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit, slimy shit, rough shit, limp shit. You can shit a blue streak, shit bricks, shit pink twinkies, shit marbles, or shit your guts out. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, keep shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plane shitty. There is funny shit and sad shit, bad shit and good shit. Some shit doesn’t stink while other things really smell like shit. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can be faster than shit or you can be slower than shit. Sometimes you’ll find shit on a stick, sometimes you’ll find shit everywhere, and then there are times when you can’t find shit at all. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.. You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel, have a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a river of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit or jump shit, and some people just can’t cut the shit. There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and serious shit. Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don’t want any shit at all. You can stir shit, kick shit or stick your ass out the window and shit on the world. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose. Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of creation. This means the universe did not begin with a BIG BANG but rather with a BIG DUMP. Keep that in mind the next time you flush the toilet. And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anything else!

The 7 dwarfs were having dinner with the pope. They were having this elaborate 7 course meal. Around the 2nd course Dopey looks at the pope and says “Excuse me Mr Pope, Are there any dwarf nuns in Sweden?” The pope giggles and smiles and says “No my son there are no dwarf nuns in Sweden.” Dopey just put his head down. Around the 4th course Dopey looks at the pope and says “Mr Pope, Mr Pope, are the any dwarf nuns in France?” Again the pope shakes his head and smiles and says “No my son there are no dwarf nuns in France.” Dopey, more depressed then ever just puts his head back down. Come the 7th course Dopey speaks up again and says “Mr Pope, Mr Pope are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?” Again the pope responds “No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.” “Well Mr Pope,” Dopey saddened,”are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?” From the background during this time you here the other 6 dwarfs “DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN, DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN, DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN!”

Whose the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, and a dozen donuts

Whose the most popular girl? The one that'll "eat" the dozen donuts.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... like a telephone.... on his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him that this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here. The guy says, you don't understand; I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular. The bar tender says prove it. The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bar tender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. That's incredible, says the bartender... I would never believe it! Yeah, said the guy, I'm really very hi-tech. I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it! By the way, where is the men's room. The bar tender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and doesn't come out for the longest time. Fearing the worst given the tough neighborhood,the bar tender goes in to the men's room. There is the guy... he is spread-eagle on the wall...his pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt. "Oh my god, said the bar tender Did they rob you? How much did they get?" The guy turns and says: No, no,... I'm just waiting for a fax!

Two Texans are in a Bar & Grill having a drink , when a lady near them starts choking on her food. One Texan tells the other”You know what to do, Go help her” The 2nd Texan goes over and asks her”Maam, can you talk?” She shakes her head No as she holds her throat.”Well Maam, Can you breathe?” He asks as she hysterically holds her neck and shakes her head no,while turning bright red. The Texan then pulls up her dress and pulls down her panties and beginslicking her buttocks up and down .In moments she becomes excited and Gasps and chokes up her food while exclaiming” Oh My Gosh Honey, You saved my life” To which the other Texan smiled and said”Good job Slim, that Hindlick maneuver works every time”

These four Nuns were killed in a plane crash. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter wanted to find out how virtuous they had been.He asked the first one "Have you ever touched a Penis?" The nun said "Yes, one time when I was in an elevator it was really crowded and I think my hand brushed against one." So Pete hands her a jar of salve and tells her to put her hand in it and it would be purifyed. He asks the second nun the same question. She said "Well, once when I was waiting at a crosswalk, I was pushed off onto the street, and I think my elbow brushed against one." So Pete had her put her elbow in the jar of salve. Now the fourth nun jabbed the third and asked if she could go ahead of the third.The third nun asked why. She said "Because I want to put my lips in that jar before you put your ass in it."

The F Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "Fuck". It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain,pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary), and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (John is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are very few words with the versatility of "Fuck." Besides it's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations: It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business - "How did I end up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal - as in "Motherfucker."

Valuable Vocabulary Chart Below

Greetings.........................."How the fuck are you?"

Fraud................................."I got fucked by the car dealer."

Dismay.............................."Oh, fuck it."

Trouble.............................."Hell, I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression......................."Fuck you."

Disgust.............................."Fuck me."

Confusion........................."What the fuck...?"

Difficulty............................"I don't understand this fucking business."

Despair............................."Fucked again."

Exasperation...................."For fuck's sake."

Enjoyment........................."This is fucking great."

Hostility.............................."I'm going to knock your fucking head off."

Stupidity............................"John Smith is a Fuckwad!"

Incompetence.................."He's such a fuck-up."

Ignorance.........................."Fuck if I know."

Displeasure......................"What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost...................................."Where the fuck are we?"

Disbelief............................"Unfuckingbelievable!"

Retaliation........................."Up your fucking ass."

Surprise............................."Fuckin’ A!"

Astonishment...................."Well, I'll be fucked."

Suspicion..........................."What the fuck are you doing?"

Contempt..........................."Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!"

Praise:................................"That's Fucking Beautiful"

Criticism:............................"That's Fucking Beautiful

Famous “F” quotes

"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"General Custer

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun." John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn

"Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers...my ass." Noah "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." John F. Kennedy

"Who the fuck is going to know? " Bill Clinton

The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word FUCK! Use it regularly in your daily speech. It will add to your prestige.

Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? Let me see your drivers licence and I’ll show you one

A man is walking down the street past his grandparent's house when he sees his grandfather sitting on the front porch swing with his pants off. Concerned, the man approaches the house and asks if his grandfather is alright. Confused, the grandfather replies, "Oh, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" The man says "Well grandpa, you are sitting on the front porch with your pants off?!?!" "Oh that," replies the grandfather. "I was sitting on the front porch last night with my shirt off and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

Maria just got married, and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you." So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!" "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

"Women Like the Simple Things in Life.....MEN!"

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. “But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?” As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. “Well,” he responded, “I guess you’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”

A Frenchman, an Italian and an American were discussing love-making: "Last night I made love to my wife three times", boasted the Frenchman. "She was in sheer extasy this morning...""Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man." When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked: "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once." he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop... Don’t Stop..."

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, lard, etc..... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs were getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs, Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes the the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

Reality Horoscopes

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 19) You're inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you're stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your friends, and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit.

ARIES (March 21 - April 19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned Communist.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you're bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (July 23 - August 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is discusting. Leo people are thieving mother fuckers who spend the majority of thier time kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. The shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold, unemotional and often fall alsleep while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment or monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall recieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack off ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarian's are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.