General Area

This virus warning is genuine.

There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough of your crap... I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever. Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five drop dead gorgeous women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please, Break my arms!"

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

Names and Sexual Identity According to studies, your sexual identity is revealed by the first letter of your first name... what do you think?
A
You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts, not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.
B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
C
You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude.
E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)
F
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet oncecommitted, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favourite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
G
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior,and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.
H
You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and your learning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits, and equally cautious in your sexual involvement's. You are a sensual and patient lover.
I
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated .... even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur,unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
J
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. You can be sensual yet passionately lustful. You are confident and aware of your sexual attraction, but very choosy.
K
You are crap in bed.
L
You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's saviour. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasise and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.
M
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.
N
You are totally fucking marvellous !
O
You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance,hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal; the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.
S
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the Nitty gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.
T
You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights, and romantic thoughts. You fantasize and tend to fall in and out of love. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely changeable. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head.
U
You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure,excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.
V
You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentrictypes. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.
W
You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic,idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.
X
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.
Y
You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will for go the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling, and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh or the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate.
Z
For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue.

Take Time" (Inspirational Piece)

1. Take time to Work - It is the price of success.

2. Take time to Think - It is the source of power.

3. Take time to Play - It is the secret of youth.

4. Take time to Read - It is the foundation of knowledge.

5. Take time to Worship - It is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.

6. Take time to Help and Enjoy Friends - It is the source of happiness.

7. Take time to Love - It is the one sacrament of life.

8. Take time to Dream - It hitches the soul to the stars.

9. Take time to Laugh - It is the singing that helps with life's loads.

10. Take time to Plan - It is the secret of being able to have time to take time for the first 9 things.

"Signs You've Been Out of College for a Few Years"

* Your potted plants stay alive.

* Sharing a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

* You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

* You have to pay your own credit card bill.

* You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

* 8:00 a.m. isn't so early anymore.

* You have to file for your own taxes.

* You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

* You're not carded anymore. (Ouch!!)

* You carry an umbrella.

* Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.

* You start watching the weather channel.

* Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.

* You can no longer take shots, and smoking anything gives you a sinus attack.

* You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

* You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.

* You go to parties that the police don't raid.

* Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.

* You don't know what time fast-food joints close anymore.

* Your car insurance goes down.

* You refer to college students as kids.

* You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon & rum.

* Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

* You feed your dog Science Diet instead of TacoBell.

* You're waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

* The only time you see your friends is at weddings.

* College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead of dress up.

* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

* Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 pm.

* Dinner and a movie - the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

* You get your news from sources other than USA Today, Sportscenter and MTV News.

* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

* Your metabolism slows down to the point where eating salad might make you gain weight.

* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.

* You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

* Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

* Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

* You're actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that's not full of 21-year-old kids.

An English professor wrote the words "a woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Bill Clinton's Fan Mail

Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.

Jimmy Carter

Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What's more, I want to say this to the American People. Unlike you I HAD a relationship with that woman!
Gary Hart

My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant

Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!
Mayor Marion Barry

Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I'm not jumping on the impeachment bandwagon. This is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greatest pick-up line in years, namely that oral copulation doesn't constitute sex. Just today I have already used it successfully four times and it's not even 10 am yet. Warm personal regards,
Newt

Dear Mr. President:
Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing anyone can do about it! So there!
Justice Clarence Thomas

Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole

Dear Mr. President:
I think it's terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away from it all, you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room.
Michael Jackson

Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.

Dear Bill:
Next time (if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape. Big mistake!! With sympathy,
Rob Lowe

Dear Bill:
I know things look bad for you now but take it from me - the American public is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge.
Regards,
Senator Edward Kennedy

Dear Bill:
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor). As we British say, keep your pecker up!
H.R.H. Charles Windsor,
Prince of Wales

Dear Mr. President,
We invite you to be the cover subject of our next issue.
Editor, Cigar Magazine

Dear Bill:
Congratulations on your election. You are a shining example to us all. Could you and Hillary join us for dinner next Tuesday? We plan to invite the Nixons and Agnews as well.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan

Dear Mr. President:
You have taken a big load off my mind. For a long time my conscience had been bothering me but now I can honestly say that I told the truth when I publicly stated that I had never committed adultery. I am truly sorry that your liaisons with Ms. Lewinsky have become such a political hot potatoe but you are still my hero.
Respectfully,
Senator Dan Quayle

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters. Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No Carrier,' on my screen. What's wrong?"

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So, how'd it go, Harry?" asked Gil. "Terrible," admitted Harry. "The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out. It never stopped, and we never got started." Gil tried to comfort him. "It could have been worse, Harry. After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't she?" "Yeah, but not in the Yellow Pages."

It's about 10 pm on a Wednesday night, and a guy sitting at a bar is about ready to go home. Before he gets a chance to walk out, the bartender says to him, "Hey buddy," why're ya goin' home so soon? I usually see you here until past midnight. Something wrong? The guy responds, "No aint nothin' wrong, just gotta sore behind from sittin' on this stool for so long." "Buddy, I got just the thing for ya." says the bartender as he's reaching up to the top shelf behind the bar. He pulls a bottle of pills, opens the bottle and hands the guy two pills. The guy says, "What're these, aspirin?" "No," says the bartender... "stool softener

A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you, dear." The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a new stereo, VCR, and month's supply of beer saying, "I bought all these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love you so." The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the young man saying, "I have taken your money and made it grow as an investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my dear." The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He then gave long and careful consideration and finally married the one with the biggest breasts.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave a nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

An elderly gentleman married a girl in her early twenties. The wedding went fine and they left on their honeymoon. The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program after they went to bed that night. The young wife felt that he was probably tired and let him sleep for a while. A couple of hours later she decided that this had gone on long enough, but wanted not to appear over anxious and let him be the one in charge. She woke the old fellow up. "What is the matter", he asked. She replied "This side of the bed is to hard, I want to lay on your side." He got up and walked around the bed, got in on her side and went to sleep. A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate things. She awoke him again. "What now?" He asked. She said, "You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more comfortable let me lie on that side." Again he got up walked around, got in, and went to sleep. By this time, she was really ready to make hard, passionate, sex. She really didn't care at this point how it would appear to him. She awoke him again and said, "No, I was wrong your side is more comfortable. Instead of getting up, why don't you just crawl over me and I will scoot across the bed?" He started over and she stopped him right on top and held him. "Now, do you know what I really want?", she asked. He replied, "YEAH, YOU WANT THE WHOLE DAMNED BED, BUT YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET IT!"

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the Auctioneer. "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex:

1st: Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!

2nd: You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?

1st: Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!

So the second old man rushed to the store.

Clerk: May I help you?

Old man: Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please.

Clerk: That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!

Old man: Damn! Does EVERYONE know about this except me?

We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all he way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side. We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane late one night when his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old farmhouse and knocked on the door. "Hello," he says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?" "Well," says the farmer, "there's only two rooms, myself and the wife in one, and my young daughter in the other." "Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be as safe as a house," says the greatest truck driver in the world. "All right," says the farmer, and they all went to bed. At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard next door banging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the greatest truck driver in the world driving it into his daughter, with his bare ass going up and down. He went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and shoved the shotgun up the greatest truck driver in the world's asshole. "All right," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, try and reverse out of there with a full load."

Living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex, Tarzan meets Jane. Jane discovered Tarzan deep in the Congo thrusting vigorously into a hole in a tree. Overcome by the display, Jane makes herself known to Tarzan and offers herself to him. As she reclines naked in the grass, Tarzan takes a running leap and kicks her in the crotch. She screames at him, "What the hell did you do that for?" Tarzan replies, "Always check for squirrels."

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels. As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and undoes the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again. Again, she finds that she cannot manage the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. She finds that she still can't step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step. Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus. The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, "Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don't even know you!" The Texan looks at her and replies, "Well, ma'am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends."