To get any worthwhile conversation off to good start, you will need a good opener, which can be a suitable greeting, preparation before you start, some familiarity with Dubliners and their pre-occupation with the weather or their health.   It is only then you can proceed with an opening question.

Everywhere in Dublin you can find the phrase "Céad Míle Fáilte" stuck to a wall, under your feet, on the menu, etc.. This is true. And there's more. Everywhere there are people twitching their heads, not to laugh at some private joke, but instead to attract your attention. Now that you know how to recognise a friendly soul, here's some help with the greetings that may come with a head salute

Now that you've broken the ice you will need something to talk about first before you plunge into native conversation. Anything worth mentioning, is worth sharing with a fellow person in Dublin.

The way a conversation opens will often determine how it is likely to proceed and develop. To begin with it is essential to master the 1^st person post-indicative. This allows reference to a person or thing without using any name, formal introduction, or familiarisation.

Another important phrase is 'the other', often pronounce 'de udder'. This is used to refer to any matter at all, and is especially useful for anything of a sensitive nature, eg "Did ye see yer man about the other?"

It is often said that the Dubliners are a Mediterranean people who only come into their own when the sun shines on consecutive days (which it last did around the time of St Patrick). For this reason, Dubliners dress for conditions in Palermo rather than Dublin; and it is not unusual in March to see young people sipping cool beer outside city pubs and cafes, enjoying the air and the soft caress of hailstones on their skin. The Dublin attitude to weather is the ultimate triumph of optimism over experience: Every time it rains, we look up at the sky and are shocked and betrayed. Then we go out and buy a new umbrella.   Many visitors to Dublin come from places where 'rain' is mis-understood, foolishly believing it is a short-term phenomenon.   In Dublin this would be a passing shower.   Temporary interruptions in rain is known as a 'dry-spell'.   It is for this reason that when visitors to Ireland in mid-March  ask: "What clothes should I bring?" The answer is: All of them!  The tourist authorities constantly promote the climate as being bathed by the Gulf Stream.  Don't be fooled.   The weather in Dublin is everywhere, unpredictable, and most of all, is newsworthy. You are likely to experience rain, cold and wind, or more likely all three simultaneously.  On top of that the weather requires no introductions. You should be able to talk about it to anyone, anywhere for as long as you like.

40 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Dubliners sunbathe.

35 degrees: Italian cars won't start.
Dubliners  drive with the windows down.

20 degrees: People in Florida wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Dubliners  throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees: Californians begin to evacuate the state.
Dubliners  go swimming.

Zero degrees: New York landlords finally turn up the heating.
Dubliners  have the last BBQ of the summer before it "gets a tad cold".

10 degrees below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico.
Dubliners  throw on a light jacket.

50 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Dublin Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough

173 degrees below zero: Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Dubliners  get frustrated cos they can't thaw their Guinness.

297 degrees below zero: Microbial life start to disappear.
Dublin cows complain of farmers with cold hands

460 degrees below zero: ALL atomic motion stops.
Dubliners  start saying "Is it just me or is there a wee nip in the air?"

500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over.
Dubliners  support England instead of Brazil in the World Cup.

There is nothing people like talking more about in Dublin than health. Dubliners like the attention it gets, and the indulgence. If anything, you runny nose will generate concern and a lively conversation. If you are ever stuck for a new topic of conversation, then describe your state of health. Don't be shy, nobody else will be.

An opening question will teach you a lot about your companion. Dubliners will enquire politely but insistently into your background, so in return for this curiosity, why not get involved yourself

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Most recent version 13-Dec-2006
To be updated from time to time
© N. O'Byrne

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