Blueroom Area

A man and his grandson are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out a cigarette and lights it. His grandson says, "Grandpa, Can I try some of your cigarette?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" he says. "No," says the little boy. "Then you're not big enough." A few more minutes passes, and the man takes a beer our of his cooler and opens it. The little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have some of our beer?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?, he says. "No.", says the little boy. "Then you're not old enough." Time passes and they continue to fish. The little boy gets hungry and he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies and eats one. The grandfather looks at him and says. "Hey they look good. Can I have one of your cookies?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?", says the little boy. "I most certainly can!", says the grandfather. "Then go Fuck yourself", says the boy, "These are my cookies!"

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as well go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the high diving board, and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by a three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. His new bride said, “That was incredible! Where did you learn to dive like that?” to which he replied “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.” A few minutes later she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath. The shocked husband said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?” “NOPE” she replied, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell down to earth, and into a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought that it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then, a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

1. EVERYONE THAT SHITS ON YOU IS NOT NECESSARILY YOUR ENEMY
2. EVERYONE WHO GETS YOU OUT OF THE SHIT IS NOT NECESSARILY YOUR FRIEND
3. AND, IF YOU ARE WARM AND HAPPY IN A PILE OF SHIT, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!

A man entered a tee shirt store which had three shirts on display. The first had a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. It contained the words: Got Milk? The next shirt had a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It read: Forgot milk. The last had a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It said: Not Milk!

There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored. Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a root? I'll give you 20 bucks!" She says, "I'm willing, let's go". They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin. After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and says, "Wow! Lady if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks". Surprised, she says, "If I had of known you were actually going to get an erection, I would have taken my panty hose off!

A young lady, feeling somewhat shortchanged in the bosom department, asked her doctor for help. "Take these," he said, handing her a bottle of hormones, "then come back and see me in 6 months." The time passed and the doctor was amazed when the girl returned, her blouse full to bursting. She stomped into the office, ripped open her blouse, and out fell a mass of long, curly hair! "Oh, my!" said the doctor. "May I ask how far down it goes?" "All the way to my balls!" the girl shouted. "And that's another thing...!"

A fellow, stuck in a small rural town overnight, decided to visit the local watering hole and was surprised to see a horse sitting on a stool at the bar with a large bowl full of money sitting in front of it. As the bartender approached to take his order, the young man asked, "What's with the horse and the money?" "It's a contest we have here," said the barman. "Make the horse laugh and ya win all the money. Costs ya 20 bucks to play." The man walked over to the horse, tossed a twenty dollar bill into the bowl, then leaned over and whispered something into the horse's ear. The horse burst out laughing and, while brushing tears from its eyes, pushed the bowl of money toward the smiling winner. A year later, the man found himself in the same town and decided to stop into the bar once again. There sat the same horse with another bowl full of money in front of it. "Still trying to make the horse laugh?" he asked the bartender. "Nope," he replied. "Now ya have to make 'im cry. Twenty to play." The man nodded, downed his beer, then walked over to the horse. He tossed his money into the pot, and again whispered something into the horse's ear. The horse seemed to think for a moment, scratching its head with a hoof, then nodded and stood up to follow the young man outside. They returned a minute later, tears streaming down the poor horse's face. The silence of the room was broken by its heart-breaking sobs of anguish. As the fellow began to stuff the money into his pockets, the bartender said, "We've bin runnin' that contest fer years and no-one's ever won it before. What in hell did you tell 'im?" "Well," replied the young man, "last year I told him I had a bigger dick than he had." "But how did you make 'im cry?" "Simple. I just took him outside and proved it."

George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged, that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Oprah said, "George, if I'm not being too forward, Id love to have sex with an older man. Lets go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, George says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand." She says okay. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. George says, "Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand." Oprah says, "Great, George, but tell me, does my holding your organs stimulate you while you're sleeping?" George replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a colored girl, she stole my wallet."

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you dont know Jack Schitt". Now you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produces 6 children: Holie Schitt, The Twins: Deep Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, and Bull Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardily son, Chicken Schitt. Fulle Schitt and Giva Schitt were insperable throughout childhood and consequelntly married the Happens brothers in dual ceremony and they had children. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt their prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently retured with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them!

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up and kiss me!

Mommy, Mommy! Whats an orgasm?
I don't know dear, ask your father.

Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob!

Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.

Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here;
have you got the money or should I go out an play?

Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?
Shut up and reload.

Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning?
Shut up son, and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
OK boys, same again...

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
Shut up and step on the gas!

Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Mommy, Mommy! Where did your scabs go?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! It's dark down here!
Shut up or i'll flush it again!

Mommy, Mommy! I'm getting dizzy.
Shut up or I'll nail your other foot down!

Mommy, Mommy! I hate Daddy's guts.
Shut up kid and keep eating.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with Grandma?
Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last week!

Mommy, Mommy! Why am I so ugly?
Shut up kid and comb your face.

son: Mommy Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
mom: Shut up, we only have it once a month.

son: Mommy Mommy! why are you moaning?
mom: Shut up and keep licking.

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like your milk!
mom: Shut up and keep on sucking.

son: Daddy, daddy, what's a transvestite?
dad: Shut up and unhook my bra.

son: Mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?
mom: I don't know dear, ask your father.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why does daddy have his Knob in the bread bin?
mom: Ignore him son, he's fucking crackers!

daughter: Daddy daddy what is queer?
dad: Shuddap and unhook my bra.

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?
mom: You will when you're older, dear!

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't wanna be a daddy
mom: Shut up and get in bed.

son: Mommy Mommy, what does "Horny" mean?
mom: Shut up and help me get granny off the gear lever.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
mom: Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.

son: Mommy, mommy what is incest?
mom: Shut up and lick.

son: Daddy, daddy what is incest?
mom: Shut up and suck.

son: Mommy! Mommy! What's oral sex?
mom: mmmrmmph mumble mumble mmhhh mmrph mmumble!

son: Mommy, mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?
mom: Shut up kid and help me get granny off the doorknob.

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's dick taste so bad?
mom: Shut up and give your sister another tampon.

son: Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here; have you got the money or should I go out and play?

son: Mommy, Mommy! I just sucked Daddy and my mouth smells shit!
mom: Well, your little brother probably has diarrhoea...

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why won't Daddy talk to me?
mom: Shut up and get the whip (or handcuffs).
or
mom: Shut up and tie his legs too.

son: Mommy, Mommy! How do lions make love?
mom: I don't know dear, all your father's friends are rotarians...

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying?
mom: Shut up and eat your hot dog!

son: Mommy, Mummy, what's that gash between your legs?
mom: That's where your father hit me with an axe.
son: WWWOOOOWWW! Right up the cunt too!

daughter: Mommy, Mommy! I had just my first sexual experience. And it was
the guy's first time too. His dick was still in the rubber.

Well what can I say ?? Fuck!:

Jim Baker: I got fucked.

Hellen Keller: Fuck you, I felt that.

Michael Jackson: Fuck, its not selling.

Michael Jackson: Fuck, my secret is out.

Sarah Connor: Fuck, he IS BACK.

Rosanne: Fuck the diet.

Tom Arnold: I used to fuck that!?

David Letterman: Hey Modonna, get the fuck off my show!

Dennis Rodman: What the fuck did you do to my hair?

Elvis: Fuck the diet, pass me a twinky and come crack.

Elvis: Those dumb fucks, they think I am dead.

Elvis: Lisa Marie married fucking who?

Leona Helmsley: Thats right, I'm a fucking bitch.

Lady Diana: Sure he is fucking ugly, but afterall he is a prince.

George Custer: Where did all these Fucking indians come from?

Adolf Hitler: Fuck the gas bill!

Mayor of Hiroshima: What the fuck was that?

Captain of the Titanic: What fucking iceberg?

Robinson Caruso: Where the fuck am I?

Sir Isaac Newton: Ouch! What the fuck ...?

Abraham Lincoln: Is this play almost over? I'm gonna fuckin' die in here!

Huge Grant: How much for a fuck.?

Jeffrey Dahmer: No Fuck, this tastes great.

Einstein: Fuck yes I know.

Einstein: Fuck, I should have known that.

Two oil workers who were taken captive by the iraqies: Where the fuck are we?

Same two oil workers: Fuck the map.

Same two oil workers: OHHH Fuck.

David Koresh: Were all fucked!

David Koresh: Your how old? Well, who cares, lets fuck!

Bill Clinton: Fuck yea, I inhailed.

Bill Clinton: Yea, I fucked her.

George Bush: Bomb the dumb fuck.

John Bobbit: What the fuck did you do with it?

John Bobbit: Oh fuck, where did it go.

John Bobbit: Oh fuck, what was that.

John Bobbit: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

John Bobbit: Put down the fucking knife.

John Bobbit: I fucking dare you.

Donald Trump: It is all fucking mine.

Tyson: I'll fuck you up.

Tyson: I fucked up.

Packwood: I'll fuck you.

Ted Kennedy: I've fucked her.

Lance Ito: Shut the fuck up.

Lance Ito: You are chaffing my fucking ass.

W. Kennedy Smith: She asked to fuck.

Mendez bros: Fuck yea, I shot them.

David Koresh: Your old enough to fuck.

Dan Rather: Hey Connie! Fuck you.

Dan Rather: Who the fuck is Kenneth?

Mauri Povich: It does't fucking work.

Richard Nixon: Burn the fucking tapes.

Richard Nixon: Oh Fuck, the tapes!

Newt's Mom: Connie is a fucking bitch.

Newt's Mom: Hillarys a fucking bitch to.

Marsha Clark: Fuck you Cockran!

Johnnie Cockran: Here is the bill, your fucked!

OJ: Fuck, it didn't work.

Christopher Reeves: Whoo, ooooh ffffuck.

Ronald Reagan: Fuck the Russians!

Ronald Reagan: What the fuck is a Russian?

Ollie North: Fuck the law and fuck the congress.

Arnold: Are you Sarah fucking Connor?

Arnold: I'll be fucking back!

Kevin Costner: Fuck the budget.

Kevin Costner: Fuck, this movie sucks!

Kevin Costner: All that fucking money, wasted.

Serbs: Fuck the impotent U.N.

The South: We never fucking lost!

The North: We beat the fuck out of them!

Bob Barker: Sure, I'll fuck you Diane.

Diane: Fuck you, Bob.

Wells College: Our motto is "men are fucking pigs."

Hugh Heffner: I've fucked the best.

Challenger crew: Houston, we have a little fucking problem.

Challenger crew: What the fuck was *&^&*&static%$#$#**%.

San Francisco: Come here and fuck anyone you would like.

George Custer: Where did all these Fucking indians come from?

Heidi Fleuss: Fuck these celebrities!

Captian of the Exxon Valdese: Fuck the rules, let the Ensign drive the boat.

I'm going to have a few more drinks and hit the sack.

Jimmy Carter: Fuck it, I'm going to go build houses.

Carl Perkins(Wild Kingdom):Fuck no I'm not going up to that lion, send Jim.

Tom Arnold: Hey Rosanne, who the fuck needs you?

Modonna: Lets fuck.

Karl Marx: Boy was I fucking wrong!

Richard Gere: Who is she fucking now?

Carl Perkins: Elvis, quit singing my fucking song.

John Holmes co-star: You have got to be kidding, you want me to fuck that?

OJ: Alright all ready, I did it, just end this fucking trial.

The U.N. in Bosnia: What the fuck have we gotten ourselves into?

Hillary Clinton: I don't know what a good fuck is, I have been married to old limp dick here.

G. Gordon Liddy: Aim for the fucking crotch.

Rodney King: Can't we all just fucking get along?

N.O.W. : We all need a good fuck.

A little boy and his Mom are going for a ride one day, when out of the blue the boy asks "Mom, is God a man or a woman?" The mother struggling for a quick response answers "Well, honey, God is really both a man and a woman." Slightly confused the boy asks "Well Mommy, is God black or white?" The mother, obviously battling with the line of questions, answers "Well, sweetie, God is actually both black AND white." Even more confused now, the boy finally asks "OK Mommy, is God homosexual or straight?" Becoming more resolute in her answers the mother replies "Actually, God is really both straight AND homosexual." With a sudden "light" appearing the boy responds "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"

Bob and Fred are walking by a 7-Eleven, as Bob turns to Fred and says, "I dare you to take off your clothes, go into the store, buy two candy bars, and come back outside to get your clothes!" Fred then asks, "What's in it for me?" Bob exclaims, "I'll give you $200!" "Okay", Fred replied. So Fred strips down to nothing, walks into the store, buys the two candy bars, and exits the store. When he get outside he noticed that Bob was gone with his clothes. Freaking out, he notices three nuns walking by, so he freezes with his hands pressed to his chest, one candy bar in each hand. The three nuns walk over to him. "Ah, a vending machine!", the first nun says. So she puts two quarters in his mouth, yanks on his dick, and gets a candy bar. "I want one too", the second nun says. So she puts two quarters in his mouth, yanks on his dick, and gets a candy bar. The third nun, being a little impatient, says, "Let me through, I might want one you know!" So the nuns step aside, as she puts two quarters in his mouth, yanks on his dick, but doesn't get anything. So she continues yanking and yanking and yanking. Giving up she says, "I may not have gotten a candy bar, but I did get some nice hand lotion!"

There is a 14 year old kid who asks his dad if he can have a bicycle for his Birthday. His father says, "Well son...Can your dick touch your asshole?" The boy tries it and says, "No daddy, sorry" "Well then you can't have a bike, get the fuck outta here!" Next year the same scenario happens... "Can your dick touch your asshole?" "No dad" "Then get the hell outta my face!" Finally, the boy turns 16, and after a lot of hard work and some gymnastics, the boy's dick can touch his asshole. "Hey, Dad, how about a car now instead of a bike?" The dad says, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" Shining with glee, the kid proudly says, "You bet Dad! Look!" The kid shows his dad that he could in fact touch his asshole with his dick. Then his Dad says, "Good, then go fuck yourself!"

There were these two black kids, one boy and one girl, who wanted to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Well, the first year they decided to go as Ken and Barbie. When they were out walking around a white kid comes up and says, "Hey, who are you supposed to be?" They two black kids say Ken and Barbie. The white kid says you can't be them. Somewhat surprised, the black kids ask why, and the white kid says, "Because you're black and Ken and Barbie are supposed to be white." So the next year the two black kids go out naked. The white kid came up to them and asked, "Who or what the hell are you two supposed to be?" The two black kids replied, "We're two chocolate candy bars--one with nuts and one without!"

Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch." When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?" "$75 dollars," said the first. The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first two were proud of their prowess. The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two. $20 dollars replies the third. The first two start laughing hysterically. "Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!!!!!!

A girl was a prostitute but didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes and the girl was amongst the group. The police had all the prostitutes line up in a straight line. Along comes the grandma and sees her grand-daughter. Grandma asks her grand-daughter, "What are you lining up for." Grand-daughter, not willing to let her grandma know the truth told her grandma that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. Grandma wanted some oranges too, so she went to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from the prostitutes. When he got to the grandma, he was bewildered and asked, "You are so old, how do you do it?" Grandma (thinking he's asking her about how she can eat oranges) replies, "Oh, it's easy, I just take off my dentures and suck them dry.

Fred's dad was so old that he finally had to put him in a resthome. So the first night Fred's dad was there he got a raging hardon and the nurse that was there saw it. She decided to do the old guy a favor and suck em off, so she did. The next day Fred came by and asked his dad how his first night at the rest home went. His dad said he loved it there and never wanted to leave. The next day Fred's dad had fallen over the bathtub. As he was lying there an orderly had just happened to be passing by and saw him bent over the tub, and so he quickly came up behind the old man and crammed a woody up the old guys corn hole. The next day Fred came back to see his dad and again asked him how he liked his second night at the new home. His dad replied that he hated it there and that he wanted to leave. His son was surprised and said, "But dad, I thought you said you loved it here." In which his dad replied, "You don't understand, I only get a hardon about once a month, but I fall down almost everyday!!"

A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The next day the doctor calls him back to the office and says "I have some really bad news for you. I have checked this result with several of my colleagues and we have come to the same result. I'm sorry to say you only have one more day to live." The guy is shocked. He ends up in a bar for the remainder of the day trying to decide what he should do for the remaining day of his life. He finally decides he will go home and make wild and passionate love to his wife before he leaves this earth. When the guy gets home that evening he sneaks into the bedroom and takes off all his clothes and crawls into bed. For three hours he has sex like he has never had sex before. After he is finished he is completely exhausted and crawls to the bathroom, completely spent. Upon opening the bathroom door he is surprised to see his wife in the bathroom with a mudpack over her face. He asked puzzledly "How did you get in here." His wife then says "SHHH!!! You'll wake my mother..."

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby. Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after." "Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."

A 60-year old woman comes home one day and heard strange noises in her daughter's bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40-year old daughter playing with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mother. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me, I'm ugly. I'll never get married so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?? he asked. "I already told Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me, I'm ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head. The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching the football game on TV. "What on earth are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching a football game with my son-in-law!!"

woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar" The woman just could not believe this price so she asked the clerk if it was correct. He said, "Yes, five for a dollar." She said, "That can't be right!" Clerk says, "Yes, it's correct. See here? Five boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Sherri to her best friend June. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," June responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution!" shrieked Sherri.

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde. The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".

Why do men like blowjobs? It's the only time they get something into a woman's head straight.

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking his wife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"

A priest was sitting in a confessional booth. After his tenth confession of the day he realized that he really had to use the bathroom. It had gotten to the point where he could stand it no longer. So, he stuck his head outside of the booth and saw a janitor. "Could you please help me out?" The priest said and then explained his situation. The priest told him that it was an easy job. People would come in and tell their sins and all he had to do was give them a prayer to say for each sin. The list of sins and prayers was listed on the wall. The janitor agreed to the job and the priest left. The first sinner came in. "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I have stolen money." The janitor looks at the list on the wall and said "Please say one Our Father my son!". The sinner then said "Father, I used profanity!". The janitor responded "My son, please say two Hail Mary's." The sinner then said in a quiet voice "But Father, the worst sin of all is that I had Anal Sex!". The janitor looks to the wall but sees nothing on the list for anal sex! In a panic, he stuck his head out of the confessional booth and asked a small alter boy "Hey son, what does the priest usually give for Anal Sex????" The alter boy responded "Two Twinkies and a Coke sir!"

This guy and his dog walk into a bar, and the man says to the bartender, "Give me two Bloody Mary's, one for me and one for my dog." To which the bartender replies, "Your dog drinks Bloody Mary's?" The Man says "Yes, but that isn't all he can do." "Well what else can he do", inquires the bartender. The man says "He can roll over, play dead, shake your hand . . . " and with a little hesitation he finishes; " . . . and he eat's pussy!". The bartender yells at the man and says, " This is a respectable institution and we will not tolerate that kind of language in here. That is your warning and if it happens again you are out of here!" A little while latter a man comes into the bar and sits down at the end of the bar. After a while he notices the dog drinking the Bloody Mary. He wanders over to the man and the dog and says to the man, "Wow!! That is amazing! Can he do anything else?" The man says, " Oh Yeah, he can roll over, play dead, shake your hand . . . " and with a little hesitation he finishes, " . . . and he eats pussy!" With that the bartender says, "OK I heard that and you are out of here. I warned you once and now you are gone!" The man and the dog get up and start walking out of the bar when a drop dead blonde about 5' 11", with long legs and a perfect figure aproaches them. She says, " I heard what your dog can do and I am interested in giving him a try. Would you mind?" The man thinks for a minute and seems to be not so keen on the idea. With a little pleading from the mistress he gives in. She tells him that her apartment is accross the street and if he will wait on the street she will be back in 10 minutes. Just 3 minutes later the woman comes back with no dog and she has a puzzled look on her face. The man askes her what happened and she says" I don't know. I took off my panties and put him between my spread legs and he just sat there and looked at me. Am I doing something wrong?" The man looks at her and says, " I don't understand it, you must be doing something wrong. I have to see this for myself." The woman says, " Ok, come up and I will show you." The two proceed up to her apartment and sure enough the dog just sits there and looks at her. The man says, "I don't know what's wrong, he doesn't usually do that." The woman is confused and about that time the man leans down next to the dog and says, " God Damn it Rover, how many times do I have to show you how it's done!?"