Childrens Area| Welcome to the kiddies room..... |  |
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
How come golfers wear two pairs of shoes? Because they might get a hole in one.
What kind of banks do alligators use? River banks.
What do you call a frozen policeman? A copsicle.
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo boos.
What did the rug say to the floor? I've got you covered.
What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet. How do you make friends with a computer? Bit by bit.
Who always goes to bed with shoes on? A horse.
Why did Mr. Stupid tip toe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
What's better than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
What's stranger than seeing a catfish? Seeing a goldfish bowl.
Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they're always stuffed.
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a boy scout? Someone who likes to pitch tents.
Why is a calendar so sad? Because its days are numbered.
What do cows give after an earthquake? Milk shakes.
If two is company and three is a crowd, what is four and five? Nine.
What has two arms but can't raise them? a chair.
Why do ghosts like health food? Because it's super natural.
Why would anyone hire an elephant? Because they like to work for peanuts.
Why didn't the skeleton ask his girl friend to the dance? Because he didn't have any guts
. What did one arithmetic book say to the other? I've got a lot of problems.
Why do bananas put on suntan lotion? To keep from peeling.
Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there's not a single person in it.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Why did the jelly role? Because it saw the apple turn over.
Why did the fly dance on top of the pickle jar? Because it said twist to open.
Where do cows go on Saturday nights? To the moo-vies.
Why are birds poor? Because money doesn't grow on trees.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
What did one autumn leaf say to another? I'm falling for you
How do you tell someone that they are really ugly? You are so ugly the tide won't go out with you.
How can your pocket be empty and still have something in it? When it has a hole in it.
Why did the baker rob the bank? He needed the dough.
Why did the farmer feed his cows money? He wanted rich milk.
What should you do if your dog is missing? Check the lost and hound.
What kind of truck do ballerinas drive? Toe trucks.
What do the moon and false teeth have in common? They both come out at night.
What is green and pecks on trees? Woody wood pickle.
Why did the old man put his car in the oven? He wanted a hot rod.
Why did the prisoner want to get measles? So he could break out.
What do astronauts eat for dinner? Launch meat.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? Have no ideer.
Why do roaches like to live in other people's homes? Because they don't have to pay rent.
What does Christmas have to do with a cat in a desert? They both have sandy claws.
What is an owl's favorite subject? Owlgebra.
Why shouldn't you put an ad in the paper if your dog is lost? Because dogs can't read.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.
What is a chimps favorite snack? Chocolate chimp cookies.
How does a basket ball player stay cool He stands by a fan.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf with an octopus?A fur coat with a lot of sleeves.
What word begins with e and has only one letter in it? Envelope.
What do you call a dismal dog? A grey hound.
What figures do the most walking? Roman numerals.
How do you get an elephant to follow you? Act like a nut.
What is a kangaroo's favorite year? Leap year.
If a king sits on gold, who sits on silver? The lone ranger.
What do bunnies say on January 1? Hoppy new year
. Why do beach combers never starve at the beach? Because of all the sand-which-is there.
What did the baby light bulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts.
What do bulls write letters with? A bullpen.
How many vampires does it take to put in a lightbulb? None, vampires like the dark.
What color do you paint the sun and the wind? The sun rose, and the wind blue.
Which brand of underwear does King Tut like best? Fruit of the tomb.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are all week days.
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot, anyone can catch a cold.
Did you hear about the depressed archeologist? His life was in ruins.
What do you call it when one cat sues another? A clawsuit.
What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion.
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In a dictionary.
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes
in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't i promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise,you didn't have to
keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON : I hope you didn't either.
GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your
son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN : All right. "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defence" and
"detail" in a sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over
defence before detail.
TEACHER: Toby, what are you doing under your desk?
TOBY : Didn't you tell us to read Dr.Jekyll and Hyde (hide)?
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program. "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he snapped. "Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?" voice shouted, "Okay---you start."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA : A new bike.
TEACHER : If you had one dollar and you asked your father for
another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT : One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHERS : If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the
other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
AMOS : I lost my quarter.
TEACHER: And why are you late, Oliver?
OLIVER : I was standing on it.
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam".
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him.
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
