Volume 3

Paddy's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So Paddy stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home, and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him & shouting. "Been out partyin' all night again, have ya?" "My dear colleen, what'd ever make you think that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "Well, Paddy Love, the pub called, and you left your wheelchair there again."

Contributed by Holly Gleason

Paddy and Murphy were walking through their town one day and they were just passing the church when Paddy said, "Hold on dar Murphy, I tink it's about time I went and confessed me sins". So in he went and sat down in the confessional box. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned, I've been wit a women" said Paddy. "Was it the widow O'Riley" said the Priest. "No" said Paddy "Then was it Raffety's daughter then" said the priest "No" said Paddy "Then it must have been Flinn's" said the priest "I'm sorry father" said Paddy "but I can't be telling you who the women was" "Well then my son" said the priest "I can't give you forgiveness" Paddy left the church, and met Murphy outside. "Well, did you get forgiveness" said Murphy "No" said Paddy "but I got three good tips"

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Forget him, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, to Dublin."