Italian.

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing
is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she
stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then
she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth be
memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like
a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane.
He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,
unbuttoning his shirt...
one button at a time. ...
No one moves...
He removes his shirt. ...
Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps...
He whispers: ...…

" Iron this, and get me something to eat!!!!!!!!"
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English

An English family of rugby supporters head out one Saturday to do
their Christmas shopping.

While in JJB Sports the son picks up an Irish rugby shirt and says to
his sister,
"I've decided to be an Ireland supporter and I would like this for
Christmas".
His sister is outraged by this promptly whacks him round the head and
says,
"Go talk to your mother".


Off goes the little lad with the Irish rugby shirt in hand and finds his
mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son"
"I've decided I'm going to be an Ireland supporter and I would like this
shirt for Christmas"
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and
says,
"Go talk to your father".

Off he goes with rugby shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son"
"I've decided I'm going to be an Ireland supporter and I would like this
shirt for Christmas"
The father his outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later, they are all back in the car and heading towards
home. The father turns to his son and says
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says,
"Yes dad I have"

"Good son, what is it"

The son replies,

"I've only been an Ireland supporter for an hour



and already I hate you English bastards".
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Australian


An old farmer owned a large farm. 
He had a large pond in the back forty,
fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc.

The pond was properly shaped for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while.

As he was walking, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked.
"I only came to feed the alligator."

Moral:
Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time.
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Wild West

A dog walks into a saloon.
  He has a six-gun in one paw. The other is in a sling.
  He announces to all present:

  I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw.
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