Simon Sleightholm - "Special Powers"

The following brilliantly surreal passage formed part of a letter that Simon Sleightholm, the proprietor of Bungalow, wrote to me some time ago. I think you'll enjoy it...

Must share this; I was giggling like a fool (so what's new) last Friday. With the solstice coming up, the various spiritual groups had begun to congregate at Stonehenge, so there was going to be a serious police presence to ensure the site was left alone. The BBC Radio 4 news - read, as always, by someone who sounds like a cold-hearted Calssics tutor - said that the police had been given "special powers" to deal with the situation. This just about crippled me...

"PC Dawkins."

"Yes Sarge?"

"It's telekinesis for you today."

"Oh, thanks Sarge."

"There you go, son. PC Harris."

"Yes Sarge?"

"Here's your second-sight..."

"Ohhh."

"...and don't use it all at once. PC Wilson."

"Yes Sarge?"

"X-ray vision for you m'lad."

"Thanks Sarge."

"PC Thompson."

"Sarge?"

"You've got super-strength."

"Aw, can't I have the X-ray vision, Sarge?"

"No you bloody can't. Not after that business with the Mayor's wife. You're on super-strength and you'll bloody like it."

And so on...

I have this crystal vision of the plains around Stonehenge being laid waste as the police and neo-druids hurl spells back and forth at each other.

As if that wasn't enough, I then spent a whole afternoon thinking about the world champion surrealist boxer, Muhammad Dali - "Ah am the wardrobe! Ah float like a treehouse, sting like a hat".

Truly I have too much time on my hands...

Simon Sleightholm (c) 1997

Ah, no you don't Simon, ho yuss...

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