Planning Humour


The Complete Planner Humour Collection

Planning Jokes

How to identify a Planner
Guidelines for successful Planners Planners Staff Structure
Planning Explained to the Uninitiated Planners Jargon Explained

Planning Complaint form

The Planning Administrator
Planner Harassment What Planners mean when they say . . .
Planning implications of Earth's creation and Hell The PLAN
What is a Planner - there are two views! The Rules of Planning

Planning Explained to the Uninitiated

Planning is a marvellous adventure which starts when we Planners climb on to our vessel, a “raft of issues” and set sail across the “tide of public opinion.”   We “take on board” a “bag of strategies,” carefully chosen from a “menu of possibilities.”

We do not drift around aimlessly because an immediate “groundswell of activity” gets us up to speed” and enables us to keep to the “critical path.” We produce a “bow-wave of positive impressions” which more than offsets the “flood of objections” which always come our way. These floods shake our raft but it never breaks up because we’ve supported it with a "sound professional structure" put it in a strong “legislative framework.” 

On our journey we encounter “brain-storming sessions,” a peculiar feature of the "power-dynamics" of the craft and the “political climate.” But we maintain our “comfort level” by adopting a “stand-alone” position under a “legislative umbrella,” wearing “warm fuzzies” and eating “political hot potatoes” cooked during “kitchen workshops.” 

So with our bag of strategies in hand we set off on our raft of issues across the tide of public opinion and undertake “risk management” by dodging “fish-hooks” and using our “environmental indicators” every time we change direction. By following the “professional directions” we stick to our critical path and go in search of our ultimate goal: the “moral high ground” where we “ground truth” our raft by tying it up with an “ecological bottom line” and having it “set in concrete.” We then undertake some “team building exercises” to make sure everyone is fit and healthy for the task ahead. The task is to climb the “steep learning curve,” pass through our “comfort zone,” measure its height using a “statutory yardstick” and focus on our “desired outcome”: turning the moral high ground into a “level playing field.”

We achieve the “critical success factor” by “networking” to becoming a “working party” which uses some “management tools” such as “economic instruments.” We then clean up the “externalities” using a “legislative vacuum.” This is known as “internalizing the externalities.” After this, we run along the “paper trail,” jump “regulatory hurdles” and end up at the “one stop shop” where we buy some “stakeholders.” These hold the foundations of our “planning framework” upon which we build our “policy platform.” From the platform, we issue a “bundle of recommendations” which address a “cascade of effects” within the “statutory time-frame,” thus enabling someone to set up a “core business.” When we are further “downstream in time” we strip down to our “work briefs” and go swimming in the “pool of expertise. Finally, we get into a “policy vehicle” and drive off into the “sunset clause,” sending out “clear signals” about our comfort level as we lean out the “legislative window.” This is not “plandemonium.” It’s “planacea” which makes the world a great place for everyone. So now that you understand us better not come near us and ask any questions. We’d of course love to tell you more. Don't worry, we're likely to become “pro-active” and tell you anyway!
by Allan Turner, NZPI, Hamilton, New Zealand

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and finally, did you know

Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete  than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.

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